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Aloe

Aloe, that's what you mean, what you are, aloe.

Your loss, your departure, my grief, my regrets.

I miss you, that goes without saying.

In my mind, you are beautiful, leaves of memories spiraling into a pattern-what you were to me.

But those leaves, those memories, they prick, they bite, they hurt.

Hard to believe something so beautiful can be so bittersweet.

Each happy time I recall is protected by the knowledge of your absence, protective thorns, warning me away.

I'm kept at arms distance.

But sometimes, sometimes I can break past the thorns, snap open the thick skin of loss and it hurts, oh yes it hurts, but inside are the memories, pure and cool, soothing to my mind.

That is aloe to me. That is you.

Author notes

Aloe-grieving, sorrow

Who it's too-a friend whom I suddenly lost touch with a couple years ago. I still miss him today.

A contest entry

Trying new things! Opinions much appreciated! :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • -LilacThOughts- gold member
    January 17

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    Judges Comment...

    Hi pinksnowboots, This write has plenty of potential, you have heaps of emotion and imagery running through it, but I'm not happy about the style you have presented me with, as I did ask for excellent rhyme or good quality free-verse...you need to tighten up your lines and pull them together to be more structured, and there are far too many commas in some of the lines which tends to make them a little choppie, this can be improved though by writing them as a phrases and not lines of mini statements...however you do have some thought provoking lines that held my attention, plus I felt lots of empathy towards your feelings, which clearly stood out in this piece...I do hope I have been of some help to you with my criticisms

    All the best...
    ~Lilac~




  • Angel-of-Chaos
    November 27, 2009

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    Great write, I know many who have lost touch with a good friend they miss as well. So this write is very relatable and I enjoyed reading it. Your emotions are expressed well and I will be reading more of your things