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My Inner Butterfly

I sit here all alone, 
the grief and sadness engulf me like a shroud of gloom,
I am surrounded by darkness,
The light in my life is gone, I have nothing more
You brought me in touch with my inner butterfly,
But before the butterfly could break free,
You were gone and the light had gone out
Now this butterfly struggles, it wants to get out,
But the butterfly can't break free I wont let it,
It will die without the light to sustain it,
 the butterfly's struggles get weaker, but I suppress it.
The fight is futile and its struggles are now just a flutter,

 the darkness gets stronger as it touches its fragile wings,
There is no light left, the gloom is blacker than black
 the light that was there, will be nothing but a painful memory

 

 

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • 19.47 / 25

    Your metaphor is great. I strongly suggest that you take another look at this piece. Many of your phrases do not agree grammatically and I find that some of the ideas tend to be a tad cliché at times. I know you are a strong writer and this is not your strongest, but knowing you, it has great potential and I feel that you will be able to mature over time.

    • You know,
      I have to agree with you..
      I do need to take another approach to this..
      I did notice quite a few errors in this and I will be editing it..
      When I wrote it , this the way it poured out.
      I never really stopped to think about it until now..
      Thank you .

      Mandi

      * This poem has been edited *


  • Angies Love gold member
    December 6, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

    I LOVE THIS! Great read, enjoyed the metaphore and word use!!!!! ''I'' too love butterflys!!!!!! you did a excellent pin here!!!!!!! ANGELA MARIA


  • davidb7869 silver member
    November 25, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    mmmmm...deep....let the butterfly out the nest..gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lol!


  • Gabriel 848
    November 25, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    awe hun way sad but kinda nice as well definately a good poem and that new pic is way trppie love you baby glenn xo


  • ForeverGiggles
    November 25, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    i forgot , sorry

  • ForeverGiggles
    November 25, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it

    ~rene

  • JToddUnderhill
    November 25, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Your....

    ..... Chrysalis will pop open exposing the true beauty that is you and you will breath free and soar to new heights!

  • Poetic-Theorem silver member
    November 25, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Facinating piece my beautiful
    Much dept; very poignant; the struugle to break free from the darkness
    when things worse the see the light..but painful memories
    Brilliant job.. Bravo ...sss David


    • Georgia.Butterfly gold member
      November 25, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      You see the pic that the poem was written on?
      If you look closely you will that it has a white line going through the dark butterfly..
      Well that is the light the is leaving..
      and the butterfly is weak as you can see the fragile withered wings as it struggles to break free.

      Thank you for commenting dear

1 - 10 of 10