Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

let this shower wash away your pain (# 9)

clothes
are shed
falling like
leaves from dead tree
clothes

~*~

sore
body
muscles ache
making me weak
sore

~*~

rain
falling
like joy tears
from happy face
rain






Author notes

this is in a 1, 2, 3, 4, 1 syllable pattern. can't remember the name for this style, but whatever. this sense of calm comes to me when i think of taking a shower. my word was "shower" and my restriction was that i couldn't use the word "water"

A contest entry

what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • ScatteredWords
    December 7, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    i love it.
    i can imagine every part of it
    "showers" wouldnt have came into my mind. maybe "thunder" or "rain"
    i love it. keep up the great work
    ~yasmine~


  • turpentine
    November 27, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this! It gives a cool imagery.

  • Nikonic Freak silver member
    November 24, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful! i like this a lot. =]
    favorite part:
    "rain
    falling
    like joy tears
    from happy face"
    could you put your words and restrictions in your AN, though? just copy and paste from my comment if you want; i just would like to have them there. thanks! and thanks for entering. :]

  • Nikonic Freak silver member
    November 24, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    shower: do not use the word "water."
    OR
    pastime: write about the past.