And she was lovely as a raindrop,
Clever as a dance-
Her eyes were made of gleamings
Though every laughing glance
Spoke of long roads twisting tightly
Through forests of the night,
And pensive hopes and longings
Still hidden out of sight.
She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose-
Her hands were made of holdings
Though often, even those
Slipped softly from her fingers
As she sat and watched the rain
And listened to it knocking,
Softly, on the windowpane.
Author notes
Written April 18th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Round 1 of Many by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended November 15, 2006, 44 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What She's Thinking (picture prompt) by IrishGypsyRose.
600 points, ended July 11, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Last Poet Standing; season one; auditions. by division.
400 points, ended December 1, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 84 of 84
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Title: 10/10
First Impression: 8/10
Grammar/Spelling: 10/10
Imagery: 10/10
Emotion: 9/10
Originality: 10/10
Relevant to Prompt: 10/10
Final Impact: 9/10
TOTAL: 76/80
COMMENTS: I enjoyed reading your poem. It was very spiritual and the girl seemed beautiful, inside and out.
Good job and good luck! -
It's so beautiful. <3
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It's a gorgeous poem. I was hooked by the first line.
"And she was lovely as a raindrop,
Clever as a dance-
Her eyes were made of gleamings
Though every laughing glance"
That's beautiful poetry right there. I love how wonderfully descriptive it is -
Amazing!
I was caught up in this one from the first word to the last. She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose-
Her hands were made of holdings
Though often, even those
Slipped softly from her fingers
As she sat and watched the rain
And listened to it knocking,
Softly, on the windowpane.
This is by far my favorite part of the piece. I wish you the best of luck in this contest. Thank you for taking the time to enter. ~mandie~
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"And she was beautiful...
And she was virtuous,
And he was,
Naive...."
mmmm, your poem reminded me of that pretty song.
And she was... These three words make it sound like there's no way she wouldn't be. When I try writing sweet poems like this one, those same three words are usually the first to flit across my own eyes, scary how well a woman can envelope them.
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Very pretty rhyme.
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lovely
now this is poetry - the rhyme and flow beautiful - can hear the raindrops knocking gently - hey - what can I say - keep up the great work - I like your style - Bless God - Joe
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"And she was lovely as a raindrop"
"Weeping as a rose-"
my fav lines..this is a beautiful poem very good imagery well done and goos luck in my contest
laura xx -
The simplicity of this.. I found this simply just. It left a "wow" on my lips. The images this created, it seemed so surreal, so fairy princess. And then you draw us back with raindrops and windowpanes. The beauty that is found in life..
This was an awesome write, I'll quote no lines I loved most because I found the entire piece endearing and well done. Best of luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
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Oh very nice. I really enjoyed this. It's been awhile since I've been on here, so it's nice to get back to AP with something as wonderful as this! Great job.
Amanda -
Indeed. The rhyme, rhythm and images are very good. Well done. v
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awwwwww this is really nice.. very good flow and rhyming, i like it a lot.. keep em up this is beautiful
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excellent
This was an awesome poem...I loved the flow and the way each word would compliment the last. Greta write and I hope to read more of your work soon.. Keep up the good work
-Rachel -
oh yeah... stuck this in the featured box for ya
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Hmmm... I read this a little while back, and I loved it so much that I book marked it... I read through all of the comments, but I can't find mine, and I'm starting to wonder if I left one or not... But anyways, if I didn't over look it, and there is really none there, forgive me for not commenting before, this is one of my very favorite poems. It's just extremely beautiful.
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Thank you so much!
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Slipped softly from her fingers
As she sat and watched the rain
And listened to it knocking,
Softly, on the windowpane.
Great stanza! This write paints a beautiful picture! Lovely write!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker who lost all aka Sacred Shadows -
wow...
This is incredible, I read it twice just to treat myself again. Sensuous but delicate, just lovely. I bow down to you. -
beautiful. the images are so clear, and the girl is like a goddess, but not quite because she seems so human. wonderful.
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That was a gorgeous!!!!!! Sweet essence mixed with a darker plot, but no matter what still a mysterious beauty, perfection!
-rik -
Very good! I loved the way it rhymed and your style. Great write, good luck in the contest.
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hmmm-- guess you'll have to wonder, hee hee!
-Glass
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Well done! Beautiful mechanics, and a wonderful use of language. No author's comments? I wonder who she is. Sigh. Keep it up!
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<33333333
This is absolutely beautiful- so well done..it brings a tear to my eye!! i wish someone would write somethign about me that was so innnocent and unknowing. its like you are just enjoying the pleasure of watching someone..just the way they move or look- its so sweet!..great job- it was a job well done! <33Always, KrIsTeNiChOlE -
amaze me.
how wonderful this piece, i love reading it.it's very nice in flow and the effectiveness of each words really good in every stanza. you simply rock my read.... heheheh beautiful poem indeed. -
Beautiful...it just flows and breathes in a way that affects the heart.
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Tender, full of emotion. The imagry is just ... wow. Mind blowing, i can't even describe it. Carefully written.
I love "She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose-" that is just so beautiful...
EXCELLENT piece. Oustanding. Stunning. Breath taking... WOW.
Amy -
what is it tonight? is everyone suddenly convinced I'm a man?? Oh, my oh my-- and here I thought a name like "Glass Slippers" was feminine enough. Thanks so much for the kind words! -Glass
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dude, if i had boobs, i would totally be all over you right now. only problem is that i have quite the opposite and am straight, so none of that stuff for me. this is one of the best poems about a girl i've ever read. 'She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose-' damn, son. i've been told i'm a good poet, but this just made me want to shrivel up and die. -
Breath-taking
this is one of the most close to perfect poems i've ever read. the subtle, soft nature of it just rolls of my tongue as i read each line and i really like how although it rhymed i hardly noticed which is a hat off to the organization of the details. i agree with above comments that that second stanza rocked my socks off...your language is just that stunning. a girl would swoon on her heels to have such a captivating piece written on her behalf. keep writing you are chalk full of talent
xo Pessimistic Optimism -
Hi there,
I found this poem awesome, it was an interest read, and it felt that you had put a lot of thought into it. Well done and thank you ever so much for sharing, all the best to you in teh competition and all the best to you and yours
Blue moon -
Awesome job, write us some more
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This was beautiful and very sweet..i loved ur choices of words. It flows great and is written very well. Masterful write. Keep rockin it.. later
lyl
~jenn~ -
oh, thank you!! I'm so glad you liked it. Of course it matters to me!!!!
I have points AND a cookie! Hoorayyyyy!
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i can't believe i forgot to comment on my favorite poem of all of them. i first read it when you submitted it and i knew you were the winner. you've gotten amillion comments on this so i guess this wouldn't matter, but this was an amazing poem and if i could give you a cookie i would.
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This poem is the best one in the contest. Not that the others aren't capable of winning. But it's just this one fits the requirements of the contest so well that it holds a greater chance of winning.Written like a ture craftsman of prose. Very expressive words and "beautiful" details. Good luck on the contest !
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Thank you for directing me to this - it is delicate and tender;divulging that there are inner thoughts and experiences creating both beauty seen yet hiding even more - I would be curious as to your mind set when you wrote "her hands were made of holdings... so many ways to interpret this - but that makes in more intriqueing - the two verses compliment each other so well, the first a creation of thought and mood, the second the observation of small nuances giving clues to the soul of the creation - by creation one could mean a person or the intimate essence that makes a person or soul -
Very complex yet written with such delicate beauty - this is what writing is about - -
....WOW....i am going to applaud this 2 ...wow....
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magnificent!!!
Thats is SOO beautiful! I really like the line:
"She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose"
This has to be one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read - and should be published, it's one of the greats!
A STUNNING piece of work, well done!!! -
yes i really liked this too, but you left me wanting more, much more, your imagery is so beautiful, this stanza was just perfection......
She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose-
Her hands were made of holdings
Though often, even those
Slipped softly from her fingers
As she sat and watched the rain
And listened to it knocking,
Softly, on the windowpane.
please I want more!!
keep penning
lisa xx -
me encanta mucho el poema
the contest said beautiful, and this is. a girl would melt if this was written about her and she read it. great write! -
the whole 2nd stanza rocked my socks. Your words are woven well, I enjoyed alot, I think you're going to receive a trophy on this- it is beautiful
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this is beautiful...great job and good luck!
~joe~ -
oh wow. this is beautiful, it's written SO well! i love it! the desriptions are awesome, it's amazing how you wrote such a wonderful poem out of something so simple!
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wow, that was a cool poem. it kind of made me raise my eyebrows at the end because it seemed to end kind of abruptly. i think it would've been more effective if you'd added more to the thought and made the poem longer by adding more stanzas. maybe you can continue the poem in parts two and three or something. that was just a thought. it's sad and poignant and actually, the length might work to your advantage. it makes me go over and read it again slower. i wonder what you were thinking of when you wrote this. it sounds like it's yourself, but that's just a guess. all in all, good
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Excellent!!!!!
Very beautifully written!!!! Kudos to you, Glass Slippers! It had perfect rhymes and flowed nice as well. Keep writing, we need great poets like you. Cheryl -
AHHHH
oh my goodness
that was one of the most beautiful works I've ever read
props on that...its REALLY REALLY GOOD
like amazing!
wow
wowowowowowowow
great...amazing...wonderful
keep up the AMAZING WORK
-Fallen -
Wings of love!
Oh this is beautiful beyond words! I think I would love to read all that you write. This poem flows with the gentleness of water and the imagery is amazing - wonderful poem! -
Very sweet, very cute, interesting loop back to the raindrops. I though it was really neat. Excellent. Thank you so much for sharing, keep up the great work. ~*~Jes
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Very well worded and rhymed,A pleasure to read and surely a tribute to someone beautiful and dear to you.Keep the talened ink flowing
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Perfect
Ok--poem #2 and I am in awe already. This is beautiful. The rhythm is flawless, words cleverly chosen, and describes an emotion that is hard to describe. A kind of melancholy wistfulness? Wonderful poem.
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awwww wow i loved it it was beautifully written .... keep it up!! ~~minni~~
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beautiful:)
wow this is such a beautiful peice i love the way its written it has such a nice flow and its so emotional great job God Bless ~Mary~
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Aww this is PRETTY! I loved it Meep! It was very emotional! Good write!
Kylie -
This was beautiful. I loved it. great write, I look forward to reading more.
Love Always, Black Rainbow -
I really generally dislike poems that rhyme for some reason...but yours still captivated me. Since this is so rare, i couldn't help but leave a comment. Beautiful piece.
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I don't know what to say. Very very good.
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Excellent
I agree with Scott, this is a rhyming poem that doesn't kill the language and I adore it. Not only that, it dances, and the imagery is vivid and beautiful.
Wonderful write.
Elizabeth -
wow...I loved this. But, that is probably because your style in a LOT like mine. :-)
Rhyming poetry, archaic structure and all about love. My VERY favorite type! Great job! -
wow this was very powerful...so beautiful i can't really say how i feel quite yet because well i don't know its so lovely...i sense sadness here but beauty anywayz this was so nice it shall be a favorite...love ya bye
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Normally, beginning the poem with "And," has a weak effect and makes me immediately lose interest. You, on the other hand, effectively pull us into your train of thought with careful phrasing and descriptions and mastered it throughout the poem.
I love the rhymes and pretty much everything else about this poem as well.
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lovely
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wow i love your poetry... guess who's going on my favorites list!??! lol thats right, YOU ARE!!!! keep penning and ill keep reading!
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I am not just sucking up - this is my favorite rhyming poem from this entire site - it is so wonderfully simple and doesn't twist or distort the English language. I am bookmarking it and I will use it as an example to others... I truly mean this - thank you!
Scott
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*tear* this was sooo beautiful! i absolutley loved it... such vivid imagery and beautiful beautiful word usage. you must have really worked hard on this.. it was truly amazing.... awesome awesome talent,. keep it up!!!
God Bless
Sarah Beth -
Very nicely put...there is a sense of sadness in this piece albeit the happy tones it paints...
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wicked and wonderful
Wow this is beyond words. I was like, pulled into a hypnotic state when I read it, it is so intense. The wording was beautiful and flowed wonderfully. The hidden rhyming was effective and the emotion was full and obvious.
I loved this part-
Spoke of long roads leading lostly
Through forests of the night,
And pensive hopes and longings
Still hidden out of sight.
Though maybe you could change lostly to lost? Whether you do or not is up to you. It is perfect either way. Lovely brilliant write. Keep it up.
Always-
ST
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speechless.
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amazing
Such a tender loving poem. I could see the rain running down the window pane. You are amazing. Well written poem. Queen
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Ooh, very moody and enigmatic.
"She was tender as a sunbeam,
Weeping as a rose-"
The way you describe her, the attributes you choose to point out and the comparisons to the world around you that are made are different and intriguing.
"Spoke of long roads leading lostly"
I might bust someone for making a sentence like that. But here it contributes to the mood and sets up your rhyme (which is so important) so I'll let it slide.
Very, very good.
Elle
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Ahhh.. beautiful, Glass... so gentle, peaceful, serene imagery. The first "stanza"... speaks of looks, like maybe what others see her as??? Not seeing inside her, what really is present there. Hiding all her pain, her anguish, her fears. And it seems as though she leads them to believe she's always happy? (this is my take on that anyway...)
The second "stanza" , though... I sense that you're talking of her hands.. How they are strong enough to hold and carry anything that's tossed to her.. But sometimes, even her hands give way, and she looses hold of some burdens. She's so beautiful as a raindrop, and holds so much... sometimes too much. The rain falling... could it maybe even be tears?? Hmm..
I love the way this poem made me think of what you "meant"... maybe I've said it right?? Or maybe not... but that's what I get out of this write. I enjoyed it, greatly.. I think you've penned this one very well. Loved the flow of it, the rhyming, and the words you've used. Awesome write, my friend!!
~Aimee
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Wow, that is really beautfiul. I really love this, it's beautfiul. You paint an amazing image with your words. Just stunnning. The flow was wonderful, it reads so beautifully. Ok, i have to stop using that word but I can't find a more fitting one. Really stunning write. You've got my applause!
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Very nice. I like your use of metaphor and simile. "Tender as a sunbeam" was an interesting one. I also love how the rhythm in the stanzas perfectly match.
I could give you some critical comments, but I really think this is fine how it is. The meter is very delicate and it would be a challenge to edit the poem without disrupting the rhythm.
~*~Kat C~*~ -
This is a sensationally beautiful piece. Great flow and rhyming. I love starting things like this with 'And,' Even though it's against every rule my teacher ever taught me about grammar, they're not gonna stop me! Starting with 'And' gives the write a certain edge that you can't expect from all writes (or even most when I think about it). Anywho, beautifully written as I said before. It was so nice, and yet so painful. start with 'And' gave it a feeling of 'BUT THATS NOT ALL!' and using the word 'was' in 'And she was lovely as a raindrop' gave it that pain, as though that fact has since changed. Bravo, Bravo! Encore!
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very beautiful poem. i loved how you began by jumping right in with "And she was..." she seemed sad and lonely, like a wilting flower, forgotten...
Silent Huntress -
This is beautiful, gives the sense of lonliness, sorrow and longing. You did a great job on this piece. Well done
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awww...this is so beautifully written...and i love watching the rain...but its just shuch a amazingly descriptive poem...great write!!!
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I agree with the haunting quality.. but it also seems rather tender.. something almost like a fairy tale.. (Maybe it's just your name. Lol)
Truly stunning and beautiful visualization..
Faith
Trust
and Pixie dust
Blessed Be
Lilli
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yay
oh, this was great. Loualoui picked the right word, "Gentle" You eased into every word, every line, and it made you want to keep reaidng, forever. A mixture of joy and sadness sets the mood, and it is perfect! Right on, write on!
~Dragonf1y -
Ooh this is so gentle and beautifully descriptive. I agree with Peacelink here, this has a haunting quality about it.
Lovely!
~ Louise -
this one is simply beautiful, she hold such enchantment and magic a very attractive character indeed one that a person would think and wonder about, if she got hold of a mind she would not easitly let go, she is rather haunting
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Beautiful work! I love the way you wrote this and think you did a wonderful job! Thanks for sharing!
Little-Lovah -
so amazing. this poem gave me shivers. such a beautiful flow. i've read many of your poems and all are great. you are an amazing poet. never stop writing, i love your work. great write
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Beautiful write! This was balanced and emotional, which I'm certain can affect every human being living, and those living on past us. This is just so inspiring; it reminds me of my mother. I wrote a poem for her titled, "The Singer," as she affected my life in that way. You did well here, and I'm so pleased I chanced upon this write! I shall be reading more of you! Thank you for sharing!--Kel
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