In backless air,
The spinning handle mocks
Lines drawn thin
On a numbered rim
Falling, falling, sickly falling
Sucked right in
A flailing limb
Paroxysm, scream
Oh untimely theme
Ticking, rhythm
Lacking decision
Moving unseen
Future to Past
Present between
Falling, falling, sickly falling
Clocks are manic
Time undefined
No accompanying rhyme
She's forgotten last
First name Regretful
Last name Past
She gripped my heart
Right from the start
Her flowing gown of dark steel
Ripples as black ink to her heel
She sits queenly on her throne
Eyes of eclectic jet stone
No mortal noble to her domain
Upon threat of death and pain
"You can't go back" her dark tinted voice flows
"You people claim that fleet-footed Time goes
Alas, what you speak is not so
Time stays on, it is we who go
Don't think I'll relent
Stay with that girl Present"
Her flowing red mane
Isn't something tame
She's beautiful indeed
For a man has wooed her
Engaged, take heed
Of he named Future
Wedding date complete
Said to be tomorrow
Yet the pair won't meet
There'll be much sorrow
For Time, she flies away
And there's no more tomorrow
For Tomorrow's now Today
Yet Future's brow won't furrow
He radiates hope like candlelight
And yearns for never coming Tomorrow
She fades at day, but advances at night
Let it make you glad this hope,
Around necks it ties no rope
A thousand years are but a day
And a day is but a thousand years
God is eternal, defeats Time's ascension
Leaving it as the broken Fourth dimension
In scented air,
The spinning handles stop
Lines drawn thin on ageless skin
Are not wrinkles, just a grin!
Author notes
Hmm...this is a meant to be about how we fear time, and somehow i managed to make this piece into something of hope... well, please critique.. i like it the best of all i've written... i love all of your works.. keep writing the limit!
Written April 18th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Awesome!
I love the way this piece has such extensive and a seemingly complex rhyme scheme. The whole work flows very well and has a very interesting story, as well as presenting an intriguing theme.
You used some great adjectives in here; very expressive. Keep up the good work! -
great
GREAT writeing...I hope to read more of your poems..and thank you for the kind words...be well. -
you have a grand grasp of wors that I can never dream of incorperating into my work. this was amazingly well done. thank you for both reads
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I do like this..and I think you are great at ryhming and such...but for whatever reason, I still liked the first one better. however, this is still a very well written poem and I hope you know you are very talented.
~ lea -
I figured since you left such alovely comment i would return the favor and to my surprise you are incredible the way you use your wrods is beyond beauty it's self the "blackless air"... maybe the best thing written in there to think of it as once having darkness to it but now it isn't.....you are truely amazing i have added you to my favs. Also your structure is so gracefully done, you are an awesome poet and one i hope will be writting more then 5 poems in the future, i can't wait to read more...lemon.
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I really like this. You have a talent! keep on writing, it is well worth your time.
excellent! ~ O
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What I really liked about this poem was how it grew and aged with times hands as you read it. I could feel the intensity growing and reaching towrads a climax of sorts. I really found your word choice to be academic in terms of its strength. I enjoyed the challenges it brought to me. This is apiece that demands the reader's attention. You do have agift..keep opening it and it will be nurtured by those around you.
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Yep.. I like that poem too 'God's Crying', especially the last paragraph. It seems to me the only thing everyone can agree on is loving one another, but as soon as you get to a topic slightly different everyone has a different view (although, have you ever heard the saying that 'if two people have the same opinion then one of them is not necessary'?) I guess you have to stand for something otherwise you'll fall for anything, it you accept everything your mind becomes a sewer, if you reject everything then what do you believe? Difficult eh? Thanks for sharing your work.. I very much enjoyed it...keep writing
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I forgot a reference - www.poetryworld.us/godscrying.html regards Albert
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Yes I agree – The problem is religion is man made – God doesn’t accept any of them . . .Albert. ( see God’s Crying )
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I've read your poem now... and it's really good. You've obviously done your research.. keep going the limit! The whole 'triangular disposition' and 'fiasco' you speak of is so true. It's something I don't know where to put. The only thing i can say is this "For those who believe, no explanation is necessary, for those who don't believe, no explanation is possible". Indeed we'd have to go back thousands of years, there's much to discuss...
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If you only go back 2000 years to the dead sea scrolls then they should be accurate as they were probably using the same original for translation ( 2000 year is practically new in bible terms) – if you go back to old testament stores you need to go back many times more than that – and of course all these religions stem from Abraham
who was an Arab . . did you read my poem on Abraham - allpoetry.com/Poem/518969 and also the comments . . As a matter of interest I was visiting the Cambridge University in Cambridge UK a couple of years ago and chatted with the photographer preparing the pictures of dozens of these scrolls for putting on the internet – you can read them there if you have access to the Cambridge University Library – Albert.
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Lol.. thanks for your comment!This time I didn't have to do the thinking..it's already been done for me.. it's copy and paste time (laughs evily)..."The fact of the matter is that most Bibles available today are taken directly from teh original languages- Hebrew, Aramaic,Greek. Our knowledge of these languages is getting more and more precise which means that translations are actually getting more accurate, not less. There are hundreds of copies of the gospel found in many different places around the world. Let's suppose for one minute that an adventurous scribe decided to change Jesus' swimming in water to walking on water. Surely you would expect to find the original lying about somewhere? The fact is only one version of this story exists and it says Jesus walked on the water. This isn't to say the scribes didn't make mistakes...they have the names of places spelt differently one example is 'Gadarenes', some have it 'Gergesenes'. Of course this isn't the only mistake, but other mistakes have not changed the meaning of the Bible. Have you heard of the Dead Sea Scrolls? They're large sections of the Bible dated 2000yrs ago. When the sections were compared with a modern Bible, the accuracy was astounding.".. taken from a Sneaking Suspicion.. I hope i haven't offended anyone.. but this is an interesting topic!
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Hi – Although correct, my comment was not to be taken too seriously LOL in fact the time scale was worked out on the Sexagonal system of mathematics used by the Babylonian (Iraq) astronomers and astrologers which uses 60 instead of 100 like the metric system (this is because 60 has more common denominators than 100 ) that is why you have 60 minutes in an hour and sixty seconds in a minute ) using this time scale they calculated 12 double hours in one earth rotation ( later 24 single hours – i.e. the time scale) Haha sorry about that. They also used the same Sexagonal system to work out the degrees of a circle used on the sextant to measure star distanace etc. ( also invented by them )
LOL - Also I doubt if God said ‘I am the Alpha and the Omega’ as these are just the first and last letter of the Greek alphabet – and I don’t think God spoke Greek Haha - these are just the words of some long forgotten scribe who helped compile the bible thousands of years ago. The scriptures were passed down from word of mouth and translated over and over and from language to language – so much of it is not really to be taken literally – Haha now you have more thinking to do it is never-ending – Regrds Albert.
Edited on Apr 18, 6:07 p.m. because 'typo'. -
Yeah, I like that line Topaz135..i've changed it to that. Thanks for helping out! I think domain sounds better too, I guess I used palace because I was personifying Past to be a Queen, and every Queen has a palace.. but if they have a domain then it makes them sound powerful...thanks once again!
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Thought evoking
Thanks Agazeley for your comment... you obviously read widely! Wow.. I'm going to have to have a look at your stuff. I was thinking that whether scale or not, the process of ageing involves time, for us it's unavoidable...I was wondering then that if something's eternal, then has it overcome this dimension? When we find out what the fifth dimension is, could we be eternal? Lol.. i have no idea.. but that's why I included God here because He's the only one who has conquered this process if you like...He says "I am the Alpha and the Omega" or the beginning and the end...if you manage to be both the beginning and the end then you must be eternal? (that's my conclusion.. could be wrong) The bit about the thousand days etc came from the Bible too. Of course I can't say I know everything here, this is a really fuzzy topic, thank you so much for your remark. I included the bit about the dimensions because I find it incredibly interesting...
“Physics combines
the three dimensions in which a person is free to move,
with the sequence of moments in his life,
into a unified universe of four dimensions.” Time is the fourth dimension, space is the third (3-D, 3 dimensional, hence we're looking at volume), area i guess is the 2nd (being 2-D) and one dimensional is something that lies along a line (therefore length).
Thanks for your ancient history piece of information...I do it as a subject. Your comment has made me think and has provided insight for me... -
Thanks for commenting Topaz135! Yeah, I'd agree with you there.. it does sound a little contrived.. perhaps I could change it to "The marble floors gleam with grey malice" or something similiar...any suggestions lol? Thank you so much for reading it...I'm glad you pointed out what you didn't like...it takes someone of courage to do that sometimes, I really appreciate it!
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well i am half asleep right now so it took my awhile to read through this - so i am going to read it again when im awake some other time - yet what i did manage to get out of it from the depths of my concentration was an excellent write. well done. its seems you are very talented. i did like the way you wrote it. ill read it again and might extend on my comment some other time.
*shadow -
Interesting
Both interesting and complicated - lots to think about in this riddle of explanation - as time passes our future gets less and less - As a mater of interest time is just a scale invented by the Persian astronomers 6,000 years ago ( Babylon ) to measure the planets ageing process and the passing of the seasons. Time has nothing to do with God - it is man made. - Albert. -
hi in expressible,
nice poem
my least favourite was
No mortal noble to her palace
They're prohibited with much malice
alas that seemed somewhat contrived to me, perhaps it was the 'prohibited, perhaps the 'malice'.
It was however the only part that jarred for me.
thanks for sharing
topaz 135
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Thanks for your comment Nicolette...you're obviously a reader (poets and readers combined make damn good writers!) I love that quote you used there! Hope i get time to read your work! You sound full of talent and promise! Thank you for reading.. i appreciate it a lot!
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I like what you did here! You've captured time and fear so well. The poem flows with ease - moving from almost despair to hope and acceptance. Somebody once said, we won't have more or less time; we have all the time there is...and somehow we manage to go with the flow and the tick-tocks! Well-done!
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wow....
wow......twas very good.....so much emotion.,....and feeling....rather speechelss.......great great write....just loved it.......keep it up.....
heather@-}--
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