Surrounded by CoNfUsIoN,
I know.
There's nothing stronger than satisfaction in knowledge.
There's nothing weaker than a link in the rusty chain of ignorance.
[That would be You.]
-----
I could sit here all day, my eyes blurring from the repeated staring, the fixation upon that white monitor (that only serves to remind me of how many friends I do not have.)
Reminded daily of my failures, my triumphs, and the fact that the only people I can share them with is myself.
[It's a good job I like my own company!]
-----
I think I'm in love.
But I can't touch them... I cannot reach across that abyss.
The chasm of yearning that hollows out my soul.
I despise h☺ppy people-
They remind me of what I do not have.
Is there any such thing as depression without suicidal thought?
-----
People say you should reach for the st*rs to achieve your ambitions.
But, if you only reach for the stars, you miss out on the joy of the ☼sun☼!
[Still, at least you won't get burnt.]
They say too, that home is where the he♥rt is.
But should you then not feel at home all the time?
And that means if two hearts beat as one, ...when that other heart is working, [or beats for someone else...] it should explain why yours gets broken.
There is no home.
I guess that means that if I reach for you, I'm effectively going out.
-----
Sometimes, I think life is like a bottomless pit.
Some people have worked out how to climb it, and they scale the walls without a problem, ...using their hands to carve an effortless path that will hopefully take them to the top.
Some people keep getting °r.o•cºk°s fall on their heads, it slows them down a little, and of these- some give up, others use their tenacious hands to carry on.
Then there are the people who like to d_r_a_g you down.
No matter how far up the walls of this pit you scale, there will always be someone to kick you in the face.
[And if they're not physically dragging you down, they make damn sure you can see their success.]
-----
You know those days where you never know what you want? Where it's going to lead you, but you know one thing for certain...? That you DO want.
You don't know what, but it's something.
It doesn't matter anymore though. Everyone looks at you piteously as you make another fool of yourself, showing emotion that people can only dream of... Emotion that you didn't even know you were capable of.
Showing emotion that the right person doesn't really care about.
You know no-one sees your point anymore.
[So what's the p•int?]
-----
What is it with games?
You know they're fixed, you know you'll lose, but you have to play it anyway.
To beat your score, to prove your worth against the computer...
To challenge random people you've never spoken to before, and see who gets the highest score, (and beating yourself up when they win.)
It's all just another way of proving that you're not worthless.
[Just another way to fail at the simple things in life.]
-----
Have you ever been so close to someone that you cannot ever imagine anything going wrong? That it doesn't matter what comes between you, you'll always be friends?
You'll always need the other?
And then you're left alone with your thoughts, and your imagination comes to play...and it br/e/aks your heart.
Maybe it even persuades you that it's better not to feel, not to think, not to engage with this person...
Because you know, deep down, that all good things come to an end...
[...it's only a question of when.]
Maybe it doesn't have to be that way...?
But it's the only way I know.
But then... who am I, really?
Adding your comment:
) I love love love, the way you just put yourself out there with this and tottally analyzed everything about your being and your emotions ect. thank you so much for rising to the challenge and doing this. I didn't really have any favourite lines they were all good, I think it makes sense to you and that is what matters, we all have our days like this and I hope you are okey. I really enjoyed reading your entry 
[It's a good job I like my own company.]
