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I Miss You Most In The Morning



as a quartz saucer 
surrenders 
its bruised plum sky

I ask your absence:

can you feel me 
love you from here?

origami myself in its linen --

how about now?

but it is rime-quiet;
sleep has thinned 

the resin of your voice 

to an aching
low in my belly

and high in my throat

where even when
you are not, you

are always in me.  

 

 

 

Author notes

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.” ~ Pablo Neruda.

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Comments

1 - 45 of 45

  • truembrace silver member
    February 7
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    such an amazing quote by Pablo topped off by a lovely poem that reads as a soft and tender letter from you to one that you may love. I think it's beyond amazing that Pablo has always managed to bring out the best in contemporary Poets - and this is another example. Though, I gather were it not for him that you would find your poetic voice just as tenderly to convey the eloquence that you brought to this poem.

    a lovely write, indeed.

    Kim


  • Max Alexandersson
    January 26
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    BEAUTIFUL WORK HERE. VERY good.


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    January 25
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    I love this poem the most.


  • Mango Memories
    January 24
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    Impressive!


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    January 23

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    Thi speaks of such deep connection to me...and the longing is palpable. The image of the morning is exquisitely described. And the idea of beginning something or some time new without something or someone we feel we so desperately need is a hollow one. We are bruised as is the morning. Wonderful poetry.

  • Rossetti
    January 19

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    Wow! This is a classy and beautifully constructed poem. Its apparent simplicity serving only to heighten the sense of loss and longing felt by the persona of the poem. I will be back to read more of your work. Chris
    PS Not only is it great to find another Aussie on here, but even better to find someone in finance, of all things, who talks to herself in blank verse. I thought it was only we lit teachers who did that. lol!


    • Allyce May
      January 20
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      Why thank you You're a lit teacher?! That is VERY cool. I'm looking forward to checking out your poetry when I finish work

  • darkrati
    January 16

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    wow...first I thank you for reading, then commenting on what I wrote (there are only a couple more and when you have time I would appreciate a bald, honest opinion and criticism) . . .this verse struck closely to a subject that occupies my thoughts much of the time because of the situation in which I currently find myself, and the words you wrote echoed my feelings in a way that caused envy ~ that I too might write so well, and regret ~ that for whatever reason I have not. For what it is worth your words had, have an effect . . . they affected me tonight in a way I must thank you for. J


  • ccawley gold member
    January 3

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    Wow! Sorry I'm not giving better feedback. Your writing is just pleasant to read.


  • Alysha L. Scott gold member
    January 2
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    I love you, for this. Yes.


  • missgreenkristine
    January 1

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    Ooooooooh! These words are so tender and ready to be lost -- like speaking fog mist in the frozen air. I like this very much. You don't overload your poem here and you let the ONE word speak for itself.
    Origami.
    Resin.
    What delightful little words that are bigger than people often give them credit. Thank you for this!


  • it is what it is gold member
    December 28, 2009

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    Mortal Kombat flow, flawless victory.

    "can you feel me love you from here?"
    That was pure god damn genius.


  • Chad Cooper gold member
    December 16, 2009
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    I so feel you on this one. Great write!


  • Dalaney gold member
    December 12, 2009

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    exceptional...really. Matt sent me this poem and I'm so glad he did.


  • Jarrod
    December 1, 2009

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    the title reminds me of Hawthrone Heights.......
    beautiful piece here.... a presence can be felt even if that person is not around.... its a powerful feeling... sometimes it may seem to powerful and invoke a certain weakness in us..... and sometimes its the exact opposite... I adore the Origami (eve 6?) reference, the linen is always a linen but its can be fold or mold to appearance to be more or less....

    Looking forward to reading more from you... I'll be sure to add you to my list!!!

    • Allyce May
      December 1, 2009
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      Thank you I hope to pursue some of your work soon also!


  • glennwood gold member
    November 23, 2009

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    Oh god. This poem is an instant favourite. Perfect, purely perfect.


  • Jersene gold member
    November 19, 2009

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    stunning poetry...this one is felt.

    love the image of a 'bruised plum sky'


  • Peteskid gold member
    November 17, 2009

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    we create something when we love, and it seems to take on an existence, yes we might well converse and commune with it, after all, it is with us...constantly. Lovely imagery here...PK


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    November 17, 2009

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    you have a really nice style in your writing. here in the first stanza you have begun a beautiful metaphore which you draw out as a monostich immediately following . 'bruised plum sky' is a gorgeous intro for that metaphore and intrudes the longing of the poem as in the final three lines and the final line in particular. beautiful work.


  • Balldinger silver member
    November 17, 2009

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    Knowing more than one way...

    woah! a warming colossal tossing of divinty slipping in the savagery of unificated seperation the way all good words come together - whether inside the isle of one another or not. I see this having a profound effect on the one missing you most in the morning. loose shivers and numberless convention can never tether the fastenings that roll away between lines. This is pure stricknine on a jelly roll (pluralistically speaking that is...)


    • Allyce May
      November 17, 2009
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      I love how your comments could form a collection of little poems on their own, lol! Thank youuuu


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    November 17, 2009

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    Well done. The longing evolves from top to bottom with something subtle, almost implied in " ... can you feel me love you from from here?" to the direct, visceral conclusion "... even when you are not you are in me."
    Luvit!

    Tom


    • Allyce May
      November 17, 2009
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      Thank you, as always, for your unfailing perception - glad you picked up on the longing. Your comments are always much appreciated


  • Rowan gold member
    November 17, 2009

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    I wanna be loved like that...
    sigh. Beautacious.


  • Auburn Sunrise silver member
    November 16, 2009

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    WOW!

    What an awesome poem! The depth and reach of the loneliness and pain is almost unbearable to read. It forms a lump in my throat, a pain in the pit of my stomach, as I read it ... and I ache ... for such loneliness should not exist.

    Incredible imagery. "bruised plum sky" - so imagistic! I can totally see that and it's very inspiring. Makes me want to take pictures or do a video.


  • girl shaman
    November 16, 2009

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    god i love this.

    and the inspiration, i adore. i really think he was the master at love poems or that i have read so far. you out did yourself on this one hun <3 i love love love it <3


  • Nicolette gold member
    November 16, 2009

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    mornings...yes, to me that always was the most difficult time of day; the waking up without... I love the opening stanza and believe it or not, I have always wanted to write something about that small window of time when the moon and the sun shares the same sky and here you have it!

    I simply love your poetry; I simply love it when you write Neruda and bring your own unique voice into it, Allyce. And you took a line from my very favourite Neruda poem. That sonnet of his was the first Neruda poem I've ever read

    I will keep reading Neruda, I will keep reading you, because there are something in your voices that just pulls me in. Beautiful, beautiful, gogo!!!



    ~ Nicolette


  • Night Hope gold member
    November 16, 2009

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    The melancholy within this lovely penning is palpable, Mizz Allyce. I do believe if Pablo was still around, he'd engulf you within his arms and sing you a love song he'd just finished writing for you, my Friend. Slow, sad and beautiful, Sweetie.


    • Allyce May
      November 16, 2009
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      Awww I would start hyperventilating

      Thank you lovely swan


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    November 16, 2009

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    "i cant do anything
    except think love thoughts
    to her & flash lights in my
    head & wonder if she can
    hear me loving her"
    --D A Levy

    reminded me of this except yours is better

    absolutely perfect and your ending is exceptionally clever by the way.

     

    (I love it.)


  • tara wilson gold member
    November 16, 2009

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    Lovely, i think you're a phenomenal poetess. a really beautiful love poem Allyce.


  • obatala
    November 16, 2009

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    This is gorgeous Allyce, and I know the feeling you're writing about here and it's... wow, you hit it right on the mark. Excellent, really.
    You never cease to amaze me, I hope you know that.


  • Cannonsfire
    November 16, 2009

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    sighs...this is delicious C


  • Naridill
    November 16, 2009
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    Stunning. I like the lyrical feel through this.

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