Leaning upon the newel
I followed you down circular
out into the square
There was a burst of birds:
a quickening of step,
a nuance of eternal chances,
and the surety of rain.
I saw a man near a statue
Steam pounced from his face
up and out against the Azure
He had a paper, and it had him
There was a clock looming,
and shadows curling through the vista
The river, black, snaked in daylight.
You were singing of Summer
You were barely chest high
A basket of fresh bread hooked -
- from your arm, rubbed at your side
Top buttons open, periwinkle dress -
- cascading about your pale ankles
You smelled of vanilla, and morning.
I stayed behind you 'till the bridge
and that is where I let you go.
Author notes
allpoetry.com/Poem/586944
Describing a stranger can be intimant
This poem always makes me re-believe in
Myself and the wonders in writing and life.
Buy the book
sun-rising-books.com/junospeacock_1.html
I would use my gold membership to end poverty and hunger,
and possibly score some drugs and a hooker.
Written April 17th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- The "point" is? by Nicole Hanna.
2100 points, ended February 23, 2007, 58 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
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This is a really good poem you have here, congratulations on your bronze trophy. It was a pleasure to read.
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it is a good poem, though at times i thought lacking any emotion, and i know how you can go off the handle when people say things you disagree with but i mean it not to be mean but just with my honest opinion - i just could not feel the poem as i read it. it was more like a statement. as if you had gotten so used to writing about such topical things you missfired.
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with you. -
wonderfully eloquent. this is pure poetry! i love the idea behind it, the imagery is resplendent. great write.
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This is a compelling write. It speaks of the profound amount of communication that occurs without words.
The awareness of possibilities- first stanza, can she be the one? my soul mate?
Evaluating the threat or not of a nearby male... something primal here.the clock symbolizing time slipping away... like a river.
Seeking clues in scent and sounds, the mystery became more important than the conquest...
Yet the question remains
Was she really that unaware?
Or was she in control all along... -
It is the true essence of life that you see in the thoughts that we caress as our minds might drift and take us to that moment of bliss.
"Top buttons open, periwinkle dress -
- cascading about your pale ankles
You smelled of vanilla, and morning."
How pungent the thought of a life without mystery, how could one endure the endless days of a righteous and unbending life.
I like it, I like it so.
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really cool and unlike anything else I have read lately. thanks for sharing it. keep up the great work. peace always in all ways...
-Kendal
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Well Jeremi, I really have to admit I was very pleasantly surprised. This is a beautiful piece of writing. I've felt moments like this myself and you captured the images outstandingly well. This is probably as beautiful a free verse piece of work as I've ever read. This is real poetry and my hat is off to you on this one. Great stuff. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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The imagery in this piece certainly sings to me of parents and children leaving the nest, forgive me if I see it differently than intended, but as that is where I am in my own life...
Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. 
Hetohke'e 
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Oh, by the way... those final two lines. Absolutely stunning. I have to admit, (and I normally don't do this before judging), but this is one of my favorites thus far.
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Strong opening. Quite liked that. I hate the center justification, lol, but I liked your opener. Thought I normally suggest not to "tell" the reader was is happening, you've done it in such a way with your first stanza that it works, and works well. It sets a scene for us, and we feel like we are experiencing it (I did anyway).
Heck, you actually do this narrative "telling" thing very well through the whole poem. My only teensy weensy nitpick is the second "you" in the final stanza. I'd actually prefer to see an "and" there, or just a comma after Summer, and "barely chest high" in the next line, without the "you were" at all.
Otherwise, this was a surprisingly pleasant and strong piece. Many thanks for entering. I really enjoyed reading this one -
I was thinking about this poem last night while discussing the word temporal with a friend. I said "horus has the best poem with that title." That is what I said.
Happy 2007.
Lisa
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This was not rhyming and did not follow the rules,so I have to remove it from the contest.Sorry!The poem was very good though.
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Well I recalled this one just from the name so I knew that was a good sign. I doubt there's much I can add after nearly 500 views but this is one of the few poems I recieved that I could actually tell you watched people. Though, having already given this a trophy in a previous contest, that could also weigh in on my decision. Regardless, it's a piece worth revisiting.
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Yipes...the ending surprised me..so impactful...Thanks for entering my contest.
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I need to read Juno today though. -
Very nice indeed, and deserving of the gold.
Congratulations!
Elizabeth
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This poem has a lovely feeling of "close distance" about it or shall I rather say a "distanced intimacy". You did a great job to paint a view without frills or unnecessary stuff. Congratulations on the gold - well-deserved!
~ Nicolette
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Congratulations on your first place trophy! After reading the poem you clearly deserve it. What an amazing piece with beautifu description.
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a well deserved win
"He had a paper, and it had him"
what a line... describes many people that i can remember seeing so engrossed in the awful news of this world (or maybe a stock report lol) great poem - deserved win.. one question... are you describing 3 different people? -
Breathtakingly beautiful! Congrates on the trophy.
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You smelled of vanilla, and morning.
I stayed behind you 'till the bridge
And that is where I let you go.
Pieces like these, my dear Horus, is the reason why you are one of my all time favorites...simply exquisite... -
Ah, I remember this one of yours, Jeremi
It's a favourite. Visual, vivid and evocative... truly one of your best.
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Once more, I walk away with a perfect picture of moments in time that reach beyond the visuals to touch the 5 senses. Glad you enterred this piece as otherwise, I might have missed it.
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Tsk tsk. Asshats are simply not flattering at all.
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You might think so, but last week I was told I wasn't qualified to
lick the stamp on a polish overnight shipment of schnizel to Davenport.
Apparently the people in Davenport really DO wear asshats.
Who knew. -
I almost don't know if you qualify. lol. You're already too damned good as it is. An elitist if you will (and aren't overly-sensitive about the use of the word). But what the fuck, it's a damn good poem. lol.
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I almost don't know if you qualify. lol. You're already too damned good as it is. An elitist if you will (and aren't overly-sensitive about the use of the word). But what the fuck, it's a damn good poem. lol.
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I didn't criticize anyone. I think you need to re-read my comment.
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This truly is a deep poem that lives through three chracters. The I, the You and the Man. I have a feeling the man is time, or perhaps death. This is a poem that will take a great deal of reading and study to really get at the meat of it.
Horus, I apologize for not having seen your entry. I tried to make sure I remarked on each one. There were 70 entries and somehow, when you entered yours, it showed up in between others I had already read. My choices were made for what the evoked in me. I have given you 50 points for my error, but more...had I read this, it certainly would ahve gotten one of the trophies. Criticizing the winners I did choose, though, is not an allpoetry thing to do. I offer many contests and have always enjoyed your entries in them. I am sorry you feel the way you do. -
This takes some time to swallow. Even then, the flavors are a confusing mix in my tongue. What is this about? Letting go, release, moving on? It runs deeper than that...about love, about youth and age and time and a myriad of possibilities you let go painfully? Is this about remembering, reminiscing, regretting?
I don't know. Too early to tell. Really deep and layered, this. -
I would use my gold membership to end poverty and hunger,
and possibly score some drugs and a hooker.
You are very funny, and a good poet at that! This was strange--in a good wayy. I felt that in this piece you were descrbing wha you saw on the river and you 'fell in love' with a particular woman whom you loved in the sense that you loved to look at her. But it becomes so dramatic when,
"I stayed behind you 'till the bridge
And that is where I let you go."
I hink this was a splendid end to this poem. I liked this, the mystery of it...
Arielle Giselle -
Very well done and it is enjoyable reading. Good luck in the contest, Rick
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I am a well wisher but you don't know that.
This is an extraordinary piece and I lack the right words to describe just how much so. The imagery and attention to detail is amazing. You have a talent here and I'm glad you use it. I hate to see wasted talent. Thank you for sharing.
~Yink -
Congrats on your silver, you deserve it!
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I must say , i've read a good bit of your work and this is nothing like the rest. Its very elegant and sophisticated. I'm really quite impressed. Thanks for entering. Take care and God bless.
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Thank you for entering, dear Horus, the Summer Survivor Poetry Island Contest .. We are reviewing all poems as they roll in and hope to make our list of Round 2 Survivors public by next week. Watch the Round 1 Column page for the announcement.
Lisa, Desiree Darkk and Son of the Moon
Edited on May 18, 10:12 because ''. -
I rather like this one a lot. It sort of dances around the pulse of what we were looking for - and leaves us wanting more verses to come (though the end is neatly tailored to what we're given).
You have this knack for coming up with clear imagery. This poem is no exception. It's quite good - and being the "cat" you know that already.
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You did what you do so well. You draw the picture before you put the characters into it. The end is perfect. I am a musicals geek and this brought to mind a line from a musical
"do you still smell of vanilla and spring air?"
Thanks so much for entering the contest.
Mary -
The images in this poem really do paint a lovely picture of a moment ... you write very well. The burst of birds and the periwinkle dress ... yes, I could see what you saw
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I like the description of colors, very nice.
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Yeah, you most certainly are the cat's meow, horus8...sometimes confidence is mistaken for arrogance by those who have none...I wouldn't concern yourself...(I know; you probably didn't, right???) 
As for standing beside your Friends??? My nickname is Swanee...a swan is a quiet & beautiful creature...until her loved ones are threatened...Then I become swan/pitbull & come off my chain...I am The Calvary...Now then...as for this poem??? Impeccable. Immaculate. Exquisite. Especially the ending...well done, Scribe...I'm even more impressed...not such an easy task...Be well, Poet...
Wanda
Edited on Apr 15, 2:46 p.m. because ''. -
Have I told you? No... I don't think I have. hmmm....
This is one of my favorite poems. It's funny, kinda seems like I read this one, at some point, a long time ago... and just... ran into it again. But obviously it's recent, so I can't explain the feeling.
But, of course, I realize I'm a little bizarre, so we'll just politely leave it at that. At any rate, to be more specific, I liked the short style and selective word choice to create a entire scene.
And I could picture it all very well, and felt like you were whispering in my ear. I felt your sadness, wished I could wrap you in my arms, to cover your eyes and help you forget. But the air is cold and so am I, so I can do nothing for you here. -
horus8, even though your poem did not place in my recent contest, it is a remarkably well written poem and one that I enjoyed immensely, thus earning your applause. Thank you once again for entering.
peace
doug
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Yes, this is certainly a very good poem, containing lots of imagery. I was picturing a scene from ancient times, perhaps greece or rome, more than modern. Well done and thanks for entering...
peace
doug
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Very good work
I ended up learning a new word along with reading your work
....nuance... i feel stupid that i didnt know it but hey i know what it means now .... keep up the good work... i look forward to seeing more of this in contests and things like that... send me a message if you want someone to read any of your work.. ok?
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Unfortunately, that never matters (being the cat's meow)
But rest assured, I'm highly educated, and as a Leo, I
stand by my friends and beliefs till the death. Plus,
I'm rich and kind on the eyes. -
I am the cat's meow.
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Hmm, it was okay. I don't know. Maybe it's just that you came across as arogant in the first place and first impressions mean a lot. I mean your style is really good, but it always seems like youre trying to talk down at someone; like you automactically feel you are the "cats meow" and amazing at every poem you write. I just seem to get that feel from your words. But from a technical standpoint, you did very well. The meter worked really well, the slight and subtle rhyming was great, the flow was great; I just didn't like the feel I got from it.
Jess -
I read the poem you entered in my daughter's contest and had to check out your link. I am most impressed by the imagery here. I like reading poetry that plays through my mind and this certainly does that. This is quite deserving of the happy clapping man as well as a gold! Good luck!
♥ Kimberly -
Horus8 my friend,
I love how you put the images into words. Very detailed with preciseness as it flows. The poem just shows powerful and showcases how we can adore moments of life.
Keep up the good work. Thanks for entering and sharing your poem. Goodluck!
---"I dont know what to say. Do read my mind." VIRGOAN--- -
Thank you
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I absolutely adore the way this poem is so multilayered, so textured and crafted to the point of every word being it's own world and every phrase having it's own perfect meaning. A success, to be sure!!!
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Whoa... looks like you're a favorite in this, aren't you, horus8? Unfortunatly... this classifies as a poem, doesn't it? I usual don't like to make exceptions, but I think I will for this one. The imagination, the use of words, it all fits in perfectly. Well, not perfectly since perfection is something no one can achieve- but you get what I'm saying, right?
~Bishonenkoi
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Great read
Wow, that just tugs at the heart there. Great poem I really hate letting go(especially when comes to money) lol. I loved your poem all the more. -
Today, all is well.
Wonderful piece! I felt as if I was walking across the plaza just behind the girl, seeing and smelling all. -
Great
Great work! I find it quite voyeristic. An interesting read!
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nice write.
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Sweetness
Beautiful piece of work. There's not much to say aside from the fact that it's awesome! -
I have a strange smell of vanilla wafting about me. Great job
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Ha! I love this, for some reason it reminds me of a dark semi-twisted fairy tale a modern evil redriding hood, or even a twisted version of Alice, I doubt this was your intention but thats what my imaginative little mind perceived it as, Either way great job, keep up the good work.
-Azazel- -
Love it! The imagery you created in this was really powerful. Very well written. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
-candice -
Which the?
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i don't like the way the word "the" sounds here. ?
i hate to see this poeme entered in a contest and not winning hardware. -
8/10
Very good. 'newel' and 'nuance" just don't sound that nice, in my opinion. But those two words are the only ones that bugged me :-) I love the imagry! the way it's written is awesome! -
GREAT
Great job! I lost, but I don't really care. I liked this, man! GREAT IMAGERY! I hope that you will continue the great work!
~Spike~ -
wonderful
i love this poem. it reminds me of when i lived in italy. this poem is beautiful and very descriptive yet still deliciously criptic! -
meant to be read out loud..and i did, like painting a picture..nice, good luck on the contest...
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Incredible inagery. Thanks for allowing us to read this.
~~~POO~~~ -
I find the imagery, particularly in the first and third stanzas enticing. Thanks for the nudge.
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Indeed, congrats on your silver.
I'll have to read the poem, and
Thank you. -
Great poem - I enjoyed reading it in this contest - even though I had read it in a previous one. A well-deserved trophy - congratulations.
Hoosier -
This is good the imagery was seamless and the flow fantastic. There is a wonderful story in this write. I liked it a lot. Good luck in the contest.
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manwich
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Actually, since Uranus is in retrograde, I'm sure some
13 year old asshat from Muave, Idaho will win their
Poem titled "Pian". -
Not if I fist your voodoo doll first!
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i'm going to strap your bare ass with a lasagna sheet
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i love the line-you smelled of vanilla and morning~exquisite!
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Thanks for entering this in my contest as well--The first most noticeable thing about this piece is the gentle way it reads. Although the words tell otherwise, the mood seems to be eerily tranquil. Good luck
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Well yes the contest has ended and it is in the process of being judged. The wife and I have been quite busy these last few days.
Anyway, I just wanted to inform all the contestants that we will conclude the judging process within the next couple days. We have narrowed the field and there are just a few more decisions to be made before the final conclusion of the contest.
Thank you for entering and good luck, sorry about the delay.
MarKKraM
((LowN))
_Lull-_-Pandemonium_. -
Yes, this is a very good poem; excellent mood and imagery.
You don't actually need the apostrophe in front of till. Until and till are both correct; till is not a short form of until.
By the way, something you said in an earlier comment reminded me of a quote from Benjamin Franklin: "He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals."
~ G
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*bookmarks*
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Dear lore, that is amazing. o.o
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very amazing imagery... the flow was so seamless... I love the vivid descriptions... everything you spoke of was seared into my mind... i saw it all... and the end was so perfect... good luck in the contest... its a great write...
Just Me...
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This was beautiful and very descriptive. I could see the whole scene in my head and it was just beautifully written. Well done
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This was very nicely done. A deceptively simple slice of life that reconnects us to the great big world in the details.
Brian -
After reading your write up, my wife and I just laughed and cried, thanks ed, those were some wonderfull things that you said.
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This has a film noir feel to it that I simply adore. Don't ask me why, it just does. (hey, you didn't mention me, perhaps I'm one of the five?)
Desiree
Edited on Sep 01, 10:41 because ''. -
Yes. I always feel like that, eventually. With my paintings too....i can look at them years later and barely recognize them, like i am seeing them for the first time. then, the spark...hey, I painted that, or wrote that. sometimes, it is obvious to me that it is crap, and i am embarassed, and others....well, that is why i do it.
thanks for the inclusion too, mate. -
I know this poem still blows my mind... It's like I didn't even write it, you ever feel like that? Also, in my opinion you and I and dp robertson and about five others on this site, are simply put, the best poets on the internet. And I can say that confidently without even flinching.
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Congrats on winning the gold, this is why I find you one of the most interesting writers. You are diverse and you are skilled. Deadly combination! Great writing
David -
thank you, indeed.
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For a pre-write, this fits my contest well, although I cant make the link to the quote from Browning. No matter, this is a living poem, subtly sensuous and with light and atmosphere.
'And shadows curling through vista'
An English poet (comme moi) would not make a phrase like this. I think this use of language is peculiarly American; it interests me, I have come across similar phraseology in other poems on this site. I think it derives from your native feeling for poetic usage. Actually, I think American is more alive than is English over here in fogeyland - more invention, more colour in the lingua franca Stateside.
Edited on Aug 25, 4:23 p.m. because ''. -
Oh wow. This was wonderful. Very unique piece. Beautiully written, it had such a great flow that drew out imagery captivating the imagination. Thanks for entering. Keep up the great work and best of luck to you in the contest!!!! Take care.
---BOE--- -
Awesome!
This is AMAZING! It tells just enough of a story to make you start wondering about the people in it and what else happens to them. Very rythemic and flowing. Loved it! -
WOW how beautiful and unique. I loved the way you described what you saw. The imagery was fantastic.I really don't know what to saw that was lovely. Well done, thanks for entering.
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Thank you for the entry. This is a great poem...though it seems a little lost on me. It took me a while to really understand the meaning of this...maybe because my brain is friend from all of this reading.
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Beautifully Written
Oh, I agree, that last line, brilliant, yes... so vividly real/honest and yet, dreamlike, this whole piece...Love your Imagery and the feeling of being 'there' under that 'azure' and God, this is excellent, toucing and beautifully written...
Conratulations of Your Trophy, Well Deserved...
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This was absolutely beautiful! I loved how you really brought me into the scene. Excellent write, now I'm wondering if you won this contest...
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