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too fat

                    

 

 

 

 

                               her soul was fat
         and disgusting



like a coral shaded rose

 

and
when she lost petals
             to the serrated breeze
late autumn wept

 

 

 

 

 

                                    marshmallow skin
                                    folded fears
                                    into pinkish origami
                                    and curled frozen thirst

                                    into concepts of size

                                    and mass

 

 

 

 

 

she wanted to be skinny
but she loved too hard

and her soul was fat
           
         and disgusting

 

 

 

Author notes

erm...sorry my mind has gone a bit perculiar. hopefully will be back to normal for the next write.
Need it explaining? Let me know in your comment and I'll IM you back.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Nil
    November 19, 2009

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    This is haunting...

    I have travelled the world many times, and no matter where you are, the Autumn never weeps! However, your imagery (which is a loose term) depicts something far more symbolic, something far more vivid and complexed. I hope one day, you can explain this vision in more................ 'the soul cannot be fat or disgusting-- the soul is purity from the mortality in which it is enslaved!'
    I accept your definition of a fat soul!!!! I just wish you could translate that into something far more profound and prophetic, which you are!
    I would absolutely love to hear/read an Ode from you, simply because you would fill it with vision... and that is an ODE. The world weeps in Autumn, colloquially every year!


  • Rachel Vargas
    November 18, 2009

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    i truely liked it

    i believe that this poem is true to its self. i like the way you portray the soul and also the comparison you make to it with a rose. keep up with this sort of writing style.

  • jello7654
    November 17, 2009
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    i like it

    plese keep being perculiar


  • The Drifter
    November 17, 2009

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    Woo, a dark write that begs to be read again and again seeking the fullest, to drain the poem dry of all its meaning and emotion. Well written with a halting flow that teases the reader along. This is so haunting to me like a song I faintly remember from long ago. Thank you for sharing.


  • Night Hope gold member
    November 16, 2009

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    Well, it very well may be peculiar for you, but it sure makes for interesting reading for the rest of us, Sweetie. I like your phrase about the wind being serrated. Very vivid and visual, that.



  • poppies gold member
    November 16, 2009
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    harsh.
    but beautiful, as always.

1 - 6 of 6