What shall I offer you for a smile-
a kiss over a lake, a paradise, a thousand suns
opalescent iridescence blooming in twilight delirium
magi gifts that lovers seek under a trembling moon
a carefree breath raining gentle laughter
or a whisper to quell your silent scream…
spiraling shadows lit by a delicate destiny
a midnight symphony upon curving stairs
sand rocks absorbed with distant drums
supine dunes with coos and sighs
leather saddles in Shangri-La…
If I win the briefest smile
what becomes of your starving garden
your muted wings behind stained glass
the drunken vacuum of unsung flesh
the wounds of yearning for more
than just a hollow touch?
Your desertscape will draw you back
sorrow’s threshold cross again
but now you have that small implant
to curl the corner of your lips
when blood-wolves howl in the driving wind
when pale bones rise in naked din
when wasteland ghosts bear you down
and innocence is ripped away
leaving but a desertscape.
derived from the recent works of simone waters
Author notes
derived from the works of simone waters, and based on an old comment I made on my poetry daughter, FallingSideways...
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"a whisper to quell your silent scream"
made me smile because it reminded me how i can be roaring mad, yet, sometimes the most gentle reaction or touch will calm me. I always had a mental image of stroking a cat whose hair is on end until it starts purring.
anyways I digress from saying that I found your words and imagery, thought provoking and lovely. I may try to take time and read things by: simone waters
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'roaring mad and then a gentle touch'... such a touch is a worthy pursuit in life... but watch out for those cats- if they aren't conditioned to be friendly, rarrrrrwww! lol (there are six in my house at the moment, and one at the dorms)... do read simone, much talent and skill there...
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ha, you have my deepest sympathy
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You took a big risk delving into someone’s essence in this way. Did you ask permission? Nothing is more personal or intimate to a poet than their words, and you *used* Simone’s words in a way she may or may not have intended, and there are many ways to interpret your poem. In a very real sense, you used Simone. I understand why you worried she might be upset. There is a certain arrogance to this process of appropriation (derivation), whether intended as an honouring or a mocking. I do hope it was an honouring; you do not make that clear.
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I see my 'group links' were messed up by AP's reply box... well, they're on my author page (bring your sunglasses)
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thanks, in art there are many, many things going on and presented at once, hence different perceptions and interpretations, as between your reaction and simones'...
I think you are reacting more to my reply in the comments, where I tend to analyze a matter from all sides (and then write a column on in) so in that regard thanks for sharing your perception, for, thought not always 'right', possible perceptions and interpretations are an important consideration; here I'm guessing you spotted the word 'parody' in my analysis...
simone knows (has sensed) that I love her work, and that I admire the level of her skills, hence her positive reaction.
You are in err on one important point, however, which bears mentioning in a generalized sense- I mentioned 'levels' of derivation, and I dug down to the bottom- the singular 'words'- none of which were created by simone, as your statement intimates and on which your concerns are based; if I did capture the essence of simone, then that is a part of the potential success of this piece (for it was written for an entirely different reason, which I mentioned to simone in a message- a 'cheer-up' piece for my poetry daughter)...
Part of your concern is based on your not knowing me, and I can give you 'me' in a nutshell I think- based on the groups I lead here on AP, for they all reflect a different side of 'me'- the analytical (which brings me accolades as well as trouble! ), the creative (ditto), a guy (just the trouble), and a guy with a heart (love, pain, and misunderstanding- par for that course! )... so here goes, "me in a nutshell" (which will hopefully alleviate your present concern), and thanks again for speaking it, for I do have a column in mind on the topic, and you bring up an important point...
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/A%20HowtoGiveConstructiveCriticism%20Group
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Abstract%20Writing
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/A%20Rebellious%20Group%20of%20Desensitized%20Men
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Merry%20Group%20of%20Strung%20Along%20Lovers
did I mention I ramble? One friend said nobody understands what I say, they just like the way I say it... lol ah, I have to work on that...
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What you have done... pooling together bits of flesh and star-stung sound, birthing a symphony I hear with new eyes. This is gorgeous, Wayne.
How you honor what I do, where it is I go.
I am so very touched by this.
Thank you, my Friend
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that is actually a relief... I had conflicting visions of your reaction- right up to your demanding that the site administrator ban me forever for such an outrage!
Let me ramble for a moment, I feel one surfacing... (which sometimes result in posted columns on poetry, so let me work my thoughts out here...)
Two Items- on derivations in general, and on this derivation in particular...
On Derivations In General: (working my thoughts out here) There a several 'levels' of derivation- the top would be to use an entire poem of someones in one's work. Digging deeper down, there would be using entire stanzas, then entire lines, then phrases, then modifier-object combinations (adjective-nouns/adverb-verbs), then, deepest down, the basic, fundamental building blocks of language- singular words themselves. The further down one digs, the less superficial the writing tends to be, and the more original the new piece will be in topic and thought (and the freer one will be with topic/tone/voice/etc.). This means that when writing a derivation, one can write on the same topic as the piece(s) being derived, or on a completely different topic; and with either the same moods/voice/senses/values as the derived piece(s), or completely different ones, even diametrically opposite- if an argument is being presented, whether through serious rebuttal or parody (both forms of argument, one sillier and more suggestive than the other).
On This Derivation Specifically: I dug down to that deepest, most fundamental level- the words themselves, which is where I dug for this life-issue to write about (and the feelings to write it with), so it only made sense. True, I could have picked up any old book of poetic words and written this piece with the same intent and maybe even with the same end effect, but I wanted this piece to be filled with the essence of simone waters, which was an artistic decision (which I'm glad I made! ) since we crossed paths here.
So... maybe not enough for a full column on the subject of derivations... I'll have to give it some more thought...
thanks...
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