We mark some days as fair
others remain foul
yet others still are just pointless
It has no possible meaning
if pain is discriminated
in a society built upon violence
Silent killers, hidden assassins
haunt around every corner
waiting for any given time
You'll win some, its true
friendships will mean something to you
filling some empty void in one's soul
When others win, that means you lose
creating a futile existence for hope
since you'll never have what you once desired
Yet as the days of life are counted
allowing one to prepare for the destruction
all care is thrown to the wind
To understand the process
inside a killer's mind
it is proper to loose all sense of moral
There are those who thing highly of themselves
those, my friend, are who shall be killed
mental or physical damage are the only way
Its distressing to see how vicious life is
even more since there lies ever more
of countless empty promises believed through mortality
But maybe one day it will all make sense
like maybe on the day that I die
and leave this wretched world to collapse on itself
Author notes
the idea came from ranting about how terrible life really is when things happen. also when i've observed how people react to jokes and criticism directed towards them. and then suddenly i decided to let the thoughts swimming through my head, become the necessary ink for writing. so yeah. thats about it i suppose.
...and this poem won me 4 points in a contest that Orion held sometime in April of 2004. i'm glad that it was worth something.
Written March 17th, 2004
A contest entry
- Everyone Wins by Orion.
300 points, ended April 20, 2004, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Believe me, I understand what it's like to lose what you're trying to say. Because poetry is us expressing ourselves, we always know what we're talking about, but when we get so wrapped up in own words, we forget to make it so others understand out thought process.
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yea. i kno what u mean on that line. i just managed to lose the jist of what i was writing there...so it is a bit confusing. i already have the thought of re-writing it so its not too terribly confusing.
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4 of 10.. sorry
I felt that this poem had a lot of potential because of its topic, and I felt that you often executed your thoughts beautifully in your langauge... Unfortunately, i felt most of the meanign was lost on wording that seemed like it should be taken for its aesthetic value over the value of the meaning itself. For example, "ts distressing to see how vicious life is
even more since there lies ever more
of countless empty promises believed through mortality" I felt you had a lot of thoughts running through you mind, and copied and pasted them all together, sometimes distorting the meaning. i would have rather seen you take a few of the topics you mentioned, and elaborate on those, instead of being left in the dust of these scattered (to me) incomplete thoughts. I realize the passion you had on the suject; I can tell by your writing. That's why it's unofrtunate that it was a shame that most of the meaning was lost to me in your choppy wording. Still, I admire the idea, and, like I said, it has great potential.
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