God made us a promise
When he looked into your eyes
He said, I'll give you fortune and fame
If you learn to love me, Before you die,
And when the rain started falling
A band of fallen angels came a calling
You back into these arms,
Where pain and darkness,
Were sure to fade away,
And he said in one breath
No one needs to surrender to death
Just except, These final words
And I'll take away your pain.............
Live like your 18 forever
Love what you have
And never give in
Live like theres never going to be
Another tomorrow
Forget every one of your sorrows
And love what you had
As if 18 was ever that bad
You can't get back what you never had......
His words rang clear, As night turned to day
He lit a thousand candles, And once he had a flame
He put your hand in mine, Til my fears were wiped away
And in the end, God sent down his angels so that love could be saved
And he said in one breath
No one needs to surrender to death
When his soul is in pain,
Just except these final words
And you will be saved......
Live like your 18 forever
Love what you have
And never give in
Like theres never going to be
Another tomorrow
Forget the devils sorrows
And love what you've always had
Cause you can't get what you never had.......
When hard times, Comes knocking at your door
Look for the fallen shadows that have graced these floors
And I'll be there, To take away your pain once more,
I'll be there, Like the blades, Of a fallen soldiers sword........Yeh........
Guitar Solo
When your brothers stood on the front lines
Protecting your sisters innocence,
I was stading there, And protecting his sins
And when you found your self alone
Staring at your enemies fists
I was the one who carried you home in the end
Repeat chorus fade out....
Comments
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I really loved the message of this poem a few things though. the forst 2 lines you change from first person to second person, kind of throws one off a bit. I have found that sticking to forst or third person is the best way to write uless you are saying this to someone specific. Also in the verses there are a few lines that rhyme and then a few that don't. I would stick to either rhyme or no rhyme or else it just seems chaotic and confusing. Also if you choose rhyme, be sure to stick to a rhythm/meter. Also you used and a lot, in places that did not need it such as...
"I was stading there, And protecting his sins
And when you found your self alone"
Get rid of the second 'and' so it reads
"I was stading there, protecting his sins
And when you found your self alone" Sounds better right? Something else I find I do in my poems is everytime I use a comma, period etc.. I start a new line after. It looks better in written form. Oh and 'except' shuld be 'accept'. I know it's a lot but I hope it helps. This poem could be powerful just need to sharpen it a bit, so to speak. Good luck.
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