Raggedly run by the thread of the day
Leaving my sanity strung along the way
Pulled this way by family
That way by work
Neither gets attention
All think I'm a jerk
Pacing my moments between give and take
My mind loses brain cells, a well smashed-up cake
Drifting because I've lost
My touch with reality
I'm so full of ennui
My mouth spouts banality
Thus falls the tickets that rain on my parade
One last grasp at sanity, feebly made
Give back my purpose
I shout to the skies
Ah, not to worry
All memory dies
©2009
11-13-09
Author notes
Written for the contest: Contest ~ * Note to Self * ~ by Poetic-Theorem
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2466675
A contest entry
- ~ * Note to Self * ~ by Poetic-Theorem.
700 points, ended November 15, 2009, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A critical comment is invited
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Clever write. I enjoyed the rhyme and the format you used. It fits the piece very well. Glad to see it was recognized in the contest. Congratulations. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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Thank you.
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I love it!!! There really isnt anything I think you should change....It all makes sense and fits together perfectly...
Good Job!!!!!
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I tend to agree, but I did agree to consider it.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
rous
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I love the idea behind this piece, but I feel that perhaps the rhyming takes away from it. You've asked for honest comments, so if you were to revise, I'd play with it a bit to see if you could switch some to internal rhymes instead.
My favorite lines are by far
"Drifting because I've lost
My touch with reality"
This holds such raw human emotion!
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Thank you. I will take it under advisement.
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i love the last stanza a lot!
and this part:
Thus falls the tickets that rain on my parade
One last grasp at sanity, feebly made
your word choice here is clever and stunning! congrats on the silver! -
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Thank you.
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Brilliant penning
A wild and wacky piece that is perfect for the prompt
Delightful to read, you made me
the rhyme and flow is splendid as well
102?...I feel that old, does that count
wish you the best...David
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102?
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Got that from the poem? It is deeper than I thought.
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