Secretly singing you the lyrics
that perfectly match my thoughts about you
is the most bittersweet irony
I have ever encountered.
We see our eyes reflected in our eyes
and can’t help but to stare back.
Hungrily. Desperately.
I need the truth like this.
A million questions I cannot answer-
that no one may answer but you,
but that I may not ask of you-
swim slicing circles through my pink fleshy mind
leaving crimson ribbons in their wake,
like the razors others may use.
But I am not so ridiculous.
I watch the night as its black-and-purple shadows
devour our simple safety;
they linger fresh and vivid in my mind and lie stagnant beneath my exhausted eyes
as they mimic their outside-purposes within my heart.
Fingers gripping pens and hovering over keyboards go numb,
empathizing with the heart that cannot do so.
And I wander aimlessly through the realm of fantasy and dream,
hoping to find the secret of either creating my own reality
or of how to make reality to take mercy and losen its grip on me as compensation.
Uncomfortable ice-cube truths settle into my stomach
creating bitter acid that tries to eat through my core,
on a search and destroy mission to the part of me that causes my pain.
My eyes seek and find you unconsciously,
then fight my rapidly liquefying agony.
All the while I can’t decide if I want to know everything about you guys
or nothing.
Do I want to know if you love her, why you love her, how much you love her?
Will I find answers that destroy me or piece me back together?
Dial 1-800-RID-PEST
so they may exorcise this ugly green snake
that haunts my actions and reactions
that is hiding in my throat and that slithers into my subconscious
waiting to interlace with and consume them.
It brings her into the one place where I could even possibly
have you to myself,
flaunts her and masquerades as reality
as it brings back all the unpleasant emotions of daylight.
Thankfully a reprieve comes once every 18 hours or so
when I eagerly seek you out and find you within my heart,
projecting your memory into my unconsciousness' independent films
that are not quite documentary, but not exactly fiction either.
And we are happy, so happy, until the present's reality intrudes too soon,
completely out of place against the happy history of before.
All I wanted was you,
just like Hayley says.
All I want is you.
I want to capture your eyes,
(not momentarily, not with her image in their depths)
to claim your mouth,
(not with your words of her on your tongue, or the taste of her still on your lips)
to dominate your dreams
(not as the antagonist, not in the form of a nightmare).
I want you to want me,
need you to need me,
(yes, that same old song and dance.)
[[[please]]]
Author notes
Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Understand all that?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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You had a few errors that could be fixed just by rereading the piece a couple times. At the start of the poem you peak of eyes looking into eyes. It doesn't make sense and I don't think you meant it that way. However, when you start descibing things and it is very beautiful. You have a great ability for description and Iwould encourage more of that. It is a good poem. Keep writing-
-AtiVan -
There is brilliant expression in this write. The longing and heartache is expressed well. Your grasp on such powerful words is inspiring and very admirable. Aside from that I know the pain of being attracted to someone when I really did not want to be. It sucked to say the least, but I got over it because I realized the person I thought I was attracted to was a scum bucket. ^^ But I loved this poem and hope to read a lot more from you in the future.
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Thanks so much! And I'm happy to say that I'm over this person now, as well. For kind of the same reason, but not exactly. We talked about it. He was harsh (very), and that was kind of like a sanity-giving slap in the face. It was good, shook me out of the crazy, ahahha. So yay.
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Kelsey dear I know exactly how this feels : ( to be insanely attracted to someone, not really knowing why, sometimes wishing you weren't, to someone who's kind of a jerk (even though you'd rather defend him than admit he's a jerk). And it.... really, really sucks.....
You did a really good job expressing your pain. I like the third stanza the best. You desperately hope that they're fighting or he's having doubts, but anything less than that would only make things worse. So you're terrified to find out no matter how much you're dying to know if you'll ever get your chance.....
We should start a new club. The "I Hate That I Love Him" club.
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Exactly, you understand it perfectly. I wish that you didn't, but somehow I'm still glad that someone else feels this way. Ugh. Bah, I'm emoing too much to give this the reply it deserves, but know that it really got to me, choked me up, the way you described it perfectly, the way it feels. Your second paragraph is so frighteningly true... god. I love you so much, Ellen D:
-Kelsey/Euphy
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I want to hug my Veeter and take the hurtness away...
HMMMMM HE SUCKS AT LIFE RIGHT NOW.......
Kinda sad, really, I'm listening to Taking Over Me by Evanescence while reading this. What the hell... -_-
I hate seeing you go through all this, you know. It's not fair to you. You have done nothing wrong. You don't fuck with people. You. Do. Not. Deserve. This.
I really hope these poems are at least taking some of it away...I mean, I'm personally not the one being tortured mercilessly here, but I can at least say that your writing about something so fucked up can still blow me away.
So, if it is ANY consolation, I still <3 you and your poetry. I love the pest rid number thing, and if this cheers you up at all I feel like prank calling that number now. XD I also loved the last long stanza, although I gotta admit that-along with the rest of the poem-was painful to read. I'm really sorry about this happening to you.............Despite the continuing amazingness of your words and imagery that spellbinds Slav enough to even make her drop the streamer.
(I hope you don't think I'm not taking this seriously. I'm just trying to ease some of it, you know? I really hope that whatever the outcome, it benefits YOU. To hell with him, but that's just what I say.)
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I understand
Again, thanks for the commetns Sorry I don't comment much on your stuff anymore. I do read it, I just can't think of many words for anything that isn't... e_e well you know. Glad you liked this, it's actually one of my favorite poems. Definitely my favorite romantic (ish) one I've written. Shiny Immaterialism I think is still my favorite. It might seem strange of me, but I actually like that the last long stanza was painful- pain was exactly what I was going for (obviously, I only said it like 8-million times in this poem...) and to have my poem actually... convey the actual emotion instead of just the point that I am IN pain is amazing to me, it makes me really happy, and I need all the happiness I can get right now. Ahahha.
It isn't really his fault... I dunno, it's not like he can help it that he has a girlfriend :/ ... or that I dream about him every night, or that I... got into this mess on my own. Gosh. No, it's not his fault. I would like to blame him, really, I would love to say this was his fault and give myself some reason for all of this, but right now all I can see is me interpreting things like friendship too deeply, and me seeking out (semi-masochistically it would seem) the information I want but hurts so much after I get it that I kind of wish I hadn't asked in the first place (kind of, but not completely), and me opening myself up for him again and again, it's not his fault if he doesn't ... want ... to accept. (Ow.) It's not like he's leading me on, I just interpret every heart-felt smile, every glance, every time he says my name, every (probably accidental) touch, and every time we are looking at each other for so long that his facade drops some (and I assume mine does too) as more than it is. I think. Ugh.
Anyways.. I know you take this seriously, and thanks for trying to cheer me up. I really am not all that torn up over it every second, I just can't stop thinking about him... and THAT opens the wounds some times. And... I dunno, it's like... it only hurts a lot when I find out something new (which I did yesterday when I wrote this). No matter, the pain isn't enough to make me want to stop thinking about him (all the time) or wanting to be with him. Lame? Yeah, I kinda figured. -crumples into embarrssed, pathetic heap-
But anyways, thanks for the comment, talk to you later
-Euphy/Kelsey -
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Glad we have an understanding here. I was a little concerned that I'd almost seem to be obnoxious, but.. yeah. You did know better so I can quit worrying. Um...It's okay if you don't comment on my stuff; I figured you still saw it and I write SO much now-and I don't even post it all-that there's always gonna be more.
(Oh shit bell rang-school day here ends at 220 XD-<3 I will add more in a message when I get home!)
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can't find the words here but i do know that it gets better, don't know when don't know how but it gets better, i think, keep it flowing
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Hahh, thanks. I know that, in my heart I do, it's just... some times I have to... abrassively clean the wounds out so they may heal properly, and not get infected (for yet another wound analogy). I understand that things have to get better.. eventually. Thanks for the caring words, know how it feels to not be able to find the right words to help a hurting friend all too well. This comment really made me smile, thanks.
-Euphy/Kelsey
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