Dad,
Why do you drink the way you do?
I'll never be understand it
I know I'm not supposed to expect
Love to be strong enough
to conquer addiction
but damn,
I can't lie and say that it doesn't hurt
When you pick a beer
over my childhood
I've never shared with you my first memory,
but do you want to hear it?
The first thing I can remember
going as far back as I can
Is you leaving
And I can understand leaving for another woman
Or a different life
something real
But what can I say to a can full of poison
That has snatched away the man in my life?
Mom shows me pictures of the old you
Your wrestling and army days
And I'm so proud
It's like the man in the pictures
is a different person
A dream dad
Someone I can wish for
and never have
And you cant hide from me
You cant pretend anymore
Because i know you're dying
And I'm scared
Because I've never known you
I've only dreamed
I'd like to speak with you
but i know better
everyone tells me that my words
would only give you an excuse to drink more
it's not fair
You desert me
and I'm the one walking on eggshells
The only positive thing to come out of your disease
And I only call it that because
it is slowly killing you
is the fact that no one in our family
will let me touch a drop
of your toxic elixir
I look too much like you
Everyone forgets that I'm not you
Except for me
I wouldn't know if I was like you
You've never stepped out of a bottle
long enough
to show me
I miss you Dad
I love you
And I wish
You would live for me
Because I can see everyday
That you wont do it
For yourself
You're not a deadbeat
You're not a drunk
You're not a failure
You're still my Dad
I don't care how many jobs you lose
How many people turn you away
I never will
The position is still open
And I'm always going to be waiting for you
To set down your drink
And apply
because,
I need you
Dad
A contest entry
- Alcoholism by Andi..
1200 points, ended November 13, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
-
I'm really glad you wrote this poem. I see you struggle with being upset he's not there but sad he can't chose family over drinking. Your dad is still here just covered in a layer pain and problems. Very emotional and truthful. Beautiful.
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wow. this brought tears to my eyes. You have so beautifully expressed your pain in this letter to your dad. It has left me speechless. It makes me miss my own Daddy who died when I was 8. He was also an alcoholic. I love how you are still waiting for him to step up and be a real dad to you. Even though everyone else has given up on him, you haven't and that is beautiful in itself. If only he knew how lucky he is to have you waiting and still hoping for him.
My son is an alcoholic too and it is a horrible disease, but as daughters and mothers (in my case) we cannot give up on them. We must keep hoping that the bottle doesn't kill the ones we love.The most powerful line to me was about how we shouldn't expect love to be strong enough to conquer addiction. It is so sad and yet so true. No matter how much we love them, it is simply not enough to overcome the addiction. Thank you for sharing this very personal piece.
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