My shame will haunt me;
until the depths of my death
I will beat these addictions;
before the days of collecting my meth
I will lie in it now I've made my bed
I'm worth more than the life;
I've made for myself
And I will not give in to the life I've led
Struggling but I will not gie up my fight;
ready to ridmy bodyy of this sh*t
Sick of being on a one track mind;
looking for a future I cant seem to find
Tired of endless empty days
Waking an falling into wasted haze
Reaching the end of the plank I walk
Screaming at all the f*ckers:
who never listen when I talk
Left to scrape through; with no-one but me
All the friends I've lost this habit to;
is only to visibly clear to see
Back in my old shoes I may never be
So f*cking ashamed of this drug contrlled me!
With my new voice, surrender I try to shout;
but my own truth's far too easy to doubt
Lost and honesty I used to swear by
Only thing I know for sure these days;
are my desires to peacefully die
Now more than ever I need remission
For a way forward I've reached this decision
A new curse of life for myself;
cleaning my body of this itching skelf
Most difficult days yet to come
I promise to love the girl I've yet to become
Treat her with true respected dignity;
and detox her back to innocent purity
My shame wll continue to haunt me;
until reaching the depth of my soul
I will beat these addictions;
before I let them take their final toll
So this is where I start again;
letting go of all my bottled up pain;
the best of y life I can regain
Running in the winner's lane!
Author notes
I wrote this after becoming addicted to cocaine and whe my self harm was at its worst.
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