It is just a kiss, my dear.

I read your text messages over and over, trying
to catch a hidden message somewhere in
there. But there is nothing but your simple words. You're
funny, difficult to understand and beautiful.
When we are around others, I shimmy closer to you
or try to touch you. You move away.
I am slightly irritated so I text you, even though you are mere feet
away from me. I tell you that I am ready to go.
We walk towards the building and talk. I am kind of nervous and
something tells me that you are too.
We get to that place and sit down side by side, our legs
stretched out in front of us.
You put your right arm around me and I lean into you, surprised
by your show of affection, even though it is private. You
never show how you feel because you don't want
anyone to know. This is just our dirty little secret even though
I want to scream it to the world and tell everyone how I feel and how
I see you. But I can not.
I am enjoying the moment for what it is worth. I smile to myself wondering
if you can see it. Then we hear footsteps coming, you
push me away as if I was a dirty parasite. Then when they disappear and we are
alone again, you pull me close.
We look through the pictures on your phone, both of us trying
to stall what we both know we want so badly. I finally glance up and cuddle
closer to you. I kiss your cheek a couple times and you won't turn to
kiss my lips.
I am frustrated by this but hope you will come around. You finally do kiss me,
it is like I finally got what I wanted. It's been a long time
since I've done this and I am nervous but I know what I am doing
so I continue. I think you were more nervous than I. However, I soon realize that
it is just a kiss, my dear.
Nothing to be nervous about and yet, it made me so fearful that
I would mess up. You drive me crazy and I'm living up every
single moment of it. It might not last long and I am aware of that.
So I'm enjoying you while I can. Because baby, you are the heroin that calls
out to my veins and I'm waiting for the next fix.