Oh the woe that wasn’t quite woven
in the way it was so expected,
slight adjustments in heaven’s angelic staff
because of being so overworked
left the tribulation to a trainee,
an apocalyptic seraph, second class.
He tried to decipher the golden post-it notes,
but they were written in Hebrew
and he was still learning,
so it was get the job done,
don’t miss the doom deadline,
after all that would never do!
His solution was to bent a comet towards the earth,
only he wasn’t completely trained on comet bending,
ended up altering its composure and path
until it just flew close to the planet
then sprinkled us with some funky radiation
guaranteed to make everyone nuts.
The Antichrist ended up an anorexic, schizophrenic,
addicted to pop tarts, marijuana and professional wrestling,
spent all his time in rehab where he turned meds
into snakes and kept carving 666 into the bathroom walls.
Demons all become yuppies that tried possession
while driving around in their black BMW’s.
Course mankind just got plain weird,
criminals all become pizza delivery men,
police took up bass fishing,
politicians start practicing diabetic cannibalism.
Gross polluters started making toxic fudge,
nobody cared about anything except
for watching next episode of Lost.
So the end of the world came
only it was just the end of sanity,
but that was fine
since it was all recorded on web site,
with everyone lived happily ever after
in the state of damnation lunacy.
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Bronze trophy winner
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