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columbine

"for I believe with all my heart
that Earth has no sorrows that heaven cannot heal"
---
Al Gore,
Columbine Memorial Address
[click] 


Lucifer in white decided to play with matches, trying to blindside He that shaped the world within the fissures of His eternal mind. He, the Fallen, attempted to write in the Lamb's Book with drops of twisted hemoglobin, trusting his own words to ursurp the story written before He was a fleck in the Spirit's mind.

Witness now legion angels descending as thunderbolts; each sword and shield a lighthouse in noon's night; protecting the innocent from errant steel. Clever fingers that stroked the pearl gates brushed tubes of iron, breaking down the bonds of chemical mortality stored within. 

Is it not possible that He who rained sulfur on Sodom and Gamorrah could trap a tiny inferno in metal walls?

Yea, blood ran in rivers over yellowed pages and blades of grass, painting doorways with the Passover sign. Martyrs cried 'yea' and stood as bastions against barreled hate. Bullets pierced wrists and ankles; witless demons carved crucifixion scars, twisted in their eyes to look like Iron Crosses; black heroism that carried them straight to Brimstone gates. 

Is it not possible that He who brought life from the Cat's tail and wooden planks could bring healing from bleak bullets?

Witness now the stainless doves soaring from His opened hands, as angels strike a fearsome harmony on silver harps. His love is a victory march; played at a tempo unexpected by the false divine.

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1 - 8 of 8

  • Haiku-bless-you gold member
    November 15

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    A Double WOW, Bandit reading list

    This is exquisite writing, excellent ponderance of divine rebellion and the subsequent divine healing that follows the shedding of innocent blood. You write with such thoughtful flair and insight that stirs the heart and imagination. Well done my friend. Write On!

    Brother Dennis

  • judmc
    November 14

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    BANDITS READING LIST ! ! !

    I must say Zach that there was quite a lot of brilliant imagery in this piece
    though it's vague continuity of narrative lent its self to a decorative rather than a meaningful role for the imagery,nevertheless it was a thought provoking poem and quite interesting to read and shows a good biblical knowledge and a comprehensive vocabulary to boot. Write on......George


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    November 12

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    I only have one nit-picky thing to point out, and that's the misspelling of Gomorrah. Otherwise, I liked how you were able to end a piece about such a tragic happening on a blessedly hopeful note. The image that came to mind was of the girl (I cannot remember her name) who unashamedly replied to her soon-to-be murderer, "Yes, I do believe in God." This is a powerfully written piece.


    • ZachP
      November 12
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for pointing that out
      They're still not sure which girl it was that actually said yes,
      and I don't think we'll ever know

      Thank you very much for dropping by and for your kind words.

      Zach Estel

  • I agree with Heather's criticism, except for the complaint about it being melodramatic. I actually thought the passion here was balanced and not over the top. I thought your selected imagery benefited this, because it gave an artistic edge...something I didn't see back in the XF1 days - you have improved A LOT since then. Or perhaps it was just a bad round & I didn't see what you were truly capable of? I don't know, lol, but anyway, this was great stuff. The only critique I have other than what Heather mentioned is not necessarily the ending itself, but the bold. I don't think it added any positive effect - perhaps this is a nit-picky personal preference. I prefer regular or italics. Like I said, picky. lol Overall though, I love this.


    • ZachP
      November 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Tyler
      (sorry I'm a few days behind, lol)

      Thank you for your notes . I think that I have grown a lot since the XF1 days, for sure. It amazes me to look back on my old stuff, lol.

      Now that you mention it, I'm not liking the bold text either, lol.
      Thanks again!

      ZE


  • Naridill
    November 9

    Edit | Reply
    This feels melodramatic.

    The style it is written. A load of imagery condensed into a small piece. My personal opinion set aside here. I know this topic is close to your heart, but you did mean critical comments or casual.

    The opener for me was too sudden. I feel 'White Lucifer.." will approach the intro a lot more smoothly but also with enough impact left.

    "He, the Fallen" I think you use 'he' not referring to the man upstairs to much to just halt this different meaning 'he'. It dragged me off topic and I had to think about it, even with 'The fallen', I think before you read past - you are decided on which 'he'/'He' it is. Perhaps make the sense not start with 'He' and un-capitalize the word?

    "Yea, blood ran in rivers over yellowed pages and blades of grass, painting doorways with the Passover sign. Martyrs cried 'yea' and stood as bastions against barreled hate. Bullets pierced wrists and ankles; witless demons carved crucifixion scars, twisted in their eyes to look like Iron Crosses; black heroism that carried them straight to Brimstone gates."

    I love that. The imagery. The intensity. You almost made me not believe my own beliefs with the way you wrote that.

    I also think the ending could have grasped more. I feel it is not as fluent or poetic as the rest of the piece.

    But
    In all, I enjoyed and you have quite a talent to speak from heart and not mix it with too much emotion.


    • ZachP
      November 9

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much
      You've given me a lot to think about.
      Thank you for taking the time to stop by
      and leave such a thoughtful critique

      My best,
      Zach Estel.

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