Dusk,
last light
before dark,
before starlight,
before mind sleeps to
dream.
Dreams
delight
aching hearts,
pretend a life
better than this one
rued.
Dawn
and sighs;
no love smiles
on empty beds:
another lonely
day.
Author notes
I had this all written before I re-read the instructions and saw it was limited to 1-2-3-4-1, while mine is 1-2-3-4-5-1. I thought I'd let you read it, even if it has to be DQ'd. It was fun to write! TY.
A contest entry
- Poetry Formed LIII - by Bear by Arkbear.
800 points, ended November 16, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hello
First off, thank you for trying! I guess you already know I am going to tell you that you're over in L's
No worries....I hope you join me again for another Poetry Formed Contest in the near future....thank you for your efforts!
Bear -
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No problem. I enjoyed it.
Lita
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Welcome to the contest, dear poet ~
this is a lovely poem, but there are a couple of things that caught my ear and eye.
The flow feels a bit choppy, when the words should just run straight through.
Also, you have a few redundancies . . . "dusk, last night, before dark" . . . these all say, more or less, the same thing.
Your last two stanzas are lovely in content, but our beloved host, Bear, places a great deal of value on the *visual* appeal of the form ~ something to keep in mind
I wish you all the best in this contest. My notes are just my own; and you might disagree with me. that's perfectly natural 
Best wishes,
Zach Estel. -
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I always appreciate constructive criticism, as yours was. Thank you for reading and thinking about my poem. This was my first attempt at a "lanturne", as you might be able to tell from my missing the correct count. The redundancies were purposeful, but I can see where they might distract the reader. Thanks again for your remarks. Lita
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How very lovely and sad and lonely. This kind of formed poetry I love to read and I'm no good at at all!
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The numbers don't matter to me - I was always lousy at Maths. The poem, however, is a lovely poignant rendering of a sad situation.
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Nice write and a nice use of form here. Hopefully they let the deviation from form go as I'm sure this is a welcome entry to the contest.
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Wonderful
Very well expressed. Such a provoking and well written poem. Thank you for sharing
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Kind words indeed, Sir Poet. Many thanks! Lita
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So your lanterns (lanturnes) are just a bit larger than the average, I guess you could say. I did one in this form a while back and I found I liked working to the syllable count in this style. Your poem has a deep message and you have worked the wording well to flow from one stanza to the next. Great job, and hope they don't DQ you...Alby
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Thank you so much, alby! I actually am doing better, most days, and hope you are doing the same. The odd moments of sadness I really wouldn't want to lose altogether, since they also remind me of what I had for so long, and the good memories. Best wishes to you. Lita
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