Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

This is food for your thought;

-


when I was twelve years old
my uncle strangled my grandmother to death;
and every last one of us watched with rictus.

we never spoke of the moment after that,
just buried her beautiful soul with dead lilies
at the head of a engraved stone.


silently, we all prayed god would forgive us.


-



the other day
i had a dream my heart was missing.
blood pouring out my chest,
as i chased my grandmother in the night.



some things are just unforgivable.




Author notes

76 words. i think.
Prompt 2:

In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.

When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.

We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.

- Keeping Things Whole by Mark Strand

In a list

A contest entry

honest thoughts. thank you

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Pandoras-Box555
    November 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...Just wow. This was great. Especially the ending line.


  • Dalaney gold member
    November 10

    Edit | Reply
    Whew! This is emotionally powerful writing. Whether it be the truth or fiction, you certainly kept my attention, and I think you did beautifully with using free verse. Congrats on your trophy.
    L


  • oldschoolhero gold member
    November 9
    Edit | Reply
    :[


  • February Moon gold member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, so you just rock. Loved this.


  • Griswold silver member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Uh.... I sure pray this is fiction and not fact, that would scar someone forever. I just can't even imagine such a thing actually. It certainly does hit hard... Scott


  • Janetheplain
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Haunting. This made me cringe. All families I think have little secrets not all bad like that and not all know about it but they're there. And they eat up the silence when everyone is thinking about it but won't say it. Oh I relate to the feeling in this poem all too well. Great write.

    Fave lines:
    "Silently, we all prayed god would forgive us.
    The other day
    I had a dream my heart was missing.
    Blood pouring out my chest,"


  • stef-witt gold member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is incredible. I don't know what else to say!!! My hat goes off to you


  • Genevieve79
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is certainly food for thought... if that is about actualy events, my God that is as an awful thing to have to live with/witness. If it is just a story, it is still a great write, because it feels so real... good luck in the contest!!


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    I love the imagery throughout this...and the emotional content is excellent. I think you definitely rocked the prompt. well done.


  • Allyce May gold member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply

    Holy smoke. This was thoroughly captivating; I don't think I took a breath from start to finish. Good thing it's only 76 words You really know how to hook a person, reel them in, then gut them.

    I love the way buried her beautiful soul sounds. 

     

    Thank you for entering!  


  • Naridill
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    Aw; the last stanza and such just rises this to a lamenting level. I adore the emotional imagery transitioned through this. Simply stunning!

1 - 11 of 11