Dark blue
For the sores you've caused
With every hit and every blow
That stained my hands
And burned my thighs.
Forest Green
For how jealous I've been
Of that person who
Would never have seen
Such hate delivered
From something obscene
Burgundy
For the blood I've spilt
The cuts that washed
Into pale smooth skin
And carry forever
The pain that's built in.
Burnt Orange
For the fire within
The Anger brewing
From your every sin.
Purely Clear
For the tears remained
Brought forth by many
Without any gain
Every night my pillow soaked
Until my eyes dry
Not able to cry.
Fading purple
For the love that's hurtful
It can't be found anymore
Where love and hate
Have come so close
Its hard to separate.
Piercing black
For my bleeding, fragile heart
That's gone through hell
Been scratched and bruised
Until it fell
Vanished in air.
Author notes
A quickie
Constructive feedback welcomed
How can i get better? What do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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i really love it! it shows a story with simplicity, it shows yuour feelings without too many compkicating words. Alhtough your life is a long struggle you can take a peek here. Nice.
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I agree with This Is My Story. I think this would be much better if you made each color's stanza 4-6 lines, maybe using each color for some sort of vivid imagery to describe a mood or feeling. Good start though.
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Is this better?
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very much so. well done!
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Thank you
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Wow I think this is a really good start but you should definitely elaborate more on each color. Maybe right a story from each person who represents a color?
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I went into more detail but not really a story.. how do you like it now?
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Yeah I definitely think that what you added enhanced the poems alot! It adds a lot to the poem
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