Blue Haze

Light blue haze illuminates his face
squinting, bloodshot eyes,
three days growth of beard,
dry, chapped lips
  cover the brain whirling inside his head;
like a hurricane bearing down on a coastal town.

He pulled the bulbs from the hotel room lamps;
Too much imitation light. 
No light is
  preferable.
  no sound
is
desired.

Life goes
flippy-floppy
in the light.
No sense of direction;
no action required
in the dark.
The pay-per-view porno movie
doesn’t even stir his senses now.
The lesbian scene;
beautiful, albeit lustfully unreal, women
are splayed across the screen,
unnatural in everything he’s ever witnessed.

Lack of food and excess of alcohol have dulled his senses.
Nothing seems real anymore.
  Nothing but the darkness.
He puts pen to paper
in hopes that light will grow from
the cumbersome words that crowd his mind.
A song is there,
but the guitar is broken;
(shattered against the wall).
Strings curl and twist in painful contortions on the floor.
Varnished wood is splintered
the neck is split into two
like his dreams.
Monotone porn-movie conversations
are muted,
just the visuals. 
The nudity.
The passionless acts that roll
before his eyes,
choreographed to be sensual,
but lacking sense.

God, how he misses sexual contact.
The feel of skin on skin
of wanton fire burning between two hungy mouths.
The truth of the act
where no lies can be served.

She’s a hundred miles away
working in a garden
that they had started together,
but would never finish.
He sets the pen down
and turns off the television.
darkness consumes him
like black water
deep, endless
and quiet.
But, the blue haze of his life
plays on and on inside his brain.

Escape will never come.