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Consumed.

Scared of the truth because it eats you whole.


It chews off tender morsels of that undeniable vocabulary until it's barely recognizable. 
Until your tongue is stained blacker than the kiss of tar from a smokers hand. 
Until your teeth are rotting at the core with the effort of the words you ingest.
Until your heart stops with the effort of pumping around this truth, truth that's thicker than the poison you spread to others on an hourly basis.
It eats you whole.

Like steel, bent in the wreckage of a car on a late night freeway [in the middle of America.]
A twisted mangle of metal harbouring every secret you dared to utter to your unconscious mind.
Like barbed wire bent upon itself to toRtuRe you and your fingers...
Stopping you from typing these tempting words into the ether to be read by all, and freed from their tainted shell.
It will destroy everything you have,
It will consume everything you are.

Opening that mouth of yours to speak the words they long to hear.
The truth that works for them. [The lie that resides in your heart.]
It may be white...
.....but what difference does colour make if you're colourblind to betrayal?
A lie is a lie.
It'll still make you cry.

 

The question remains though, is it actually safer for me to continue choking on this metallic coated cotton wool?

Would it be better for everyone if the tendrils of this ball unravel in my throat and take away the vocabulary that burns my intestines?

If the words of my soul never get past my lips?

Disguised instead in sugar coated memories plucked from the pages of forgotten books [with faceless and yet perfectly relatable characters?]

 

 

 

 

I'll push you away until you can no longer feel me.

Until you believe that you no longer want me, or need me.

I'll make you feel like the whole era was a waste of seconds.

Like the pretence of loving you was just that, all a pretence.

And you'll understand.

You'll blame yourself, you'll cry a little, and you'll hate me. You'll want to stick pins in my eyes and needles in my flesh.

[But it's worse than knowing the truth.]

 

Yes, I'll push you away until you turn into the arms of the man you've wanted all along. 

World peace.

The only way to achieve this is self sacrifice.

 

I'm a coward.

Wondering if losing someone really is that bad when all you can feel is the famine of your arrid throat.

Longing for the moisture that is apology.

Yearning for the nectar that is forgiveness.

 

You can't bring yourself to do it though, can you?
Maybe half a life is better than none?

You're scared of the truth because it lies inside you.

It no longer sets you free... it eats you whole. 
 
 
 
 
 
What is this truth?
     [It's How I Really Feel.]


 

Author notes

I'm not sure if it's clear, but the idea here is not being able to tell someone what you really think, and telling them the lies they want to hear instead.
The idea is that the truth can choke you.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    November 20
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    I think I would rather someone lie to me than tell me the truth. I am not so good at taking real criticism. Wonderful write. I loved the entire piece, but I liked this part the most-

    I'm a coward.

    Wondering if losing someone really is that bad when all you can feel is the famine of your arrid throat.
    Longing for the moisture that is apology.
    Yearning for the nectar that is forgiveness.

    Thank you so much for entering my contest.


  • DinkyDiver gold member
    November 11
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    the words you ingest I like that imagery in the line there!

    Posion sure does spread to others and the poison gets stronger as the truth gets twisted more and more behind black lies..

    Definitly eats you whole unless you're a special person with a great memory to never get caught... doesn't happen often though lol

    Loving the Metaphors of being in a car wreckage!! clever clever thinking there - DEEP!

    metallic coated cotton wool--- oohh very different and intriguing !

    Worse than knowing the truth.. I know the feeling of this at the moment... but how would I feel if I were lied too?? Can't win...

    Awesome usage of Vocabularly here T!

    and a stunning last line.. the truth of how you "really" feel x

    The truth certainly can choke you......

  • reveller silver member
    November 11
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    this is beautifully written as ever and I am so sorry you are going through pain and sorrow. There are little bits of anger in there, anger is good...it protects you until you are ready.


  • Defiant Justice
    November 11
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    "but what difference does colour make if you're colourblind to betrayal?"
    i really like this line really clever stuff

1 - 5 of 5