I'm going crazy
because
no one
loves me
I'm just shaking
quivering
all over
it's my one
obsession
taking over
me
it's my prison
shackled
by it's power
controlling me
I try to escape
but it
lures
me
over and over
again
no way
to win
I just
can't
get away
it's making
me go crazy
Just tell me how it made you feel?
Comments
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Addition?this is not a math problem its a poem. I write what comes to me when I'm listening to music
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haha sorry, I meant addiCtion.
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I thought you conveyed the craziness part rather well, but it also has this whinny element to it that just... that's simply annoying.
Compliments come first.
"I'm just shaking / quivering"
Usually insanity-related poems, (well, at least the poetry I've seen) only show the mental side of what's going on, but you added what can be seen physically. I like that.
"I try to escape / but it / lures / me / over and over"
This is more like addiction than being loved. Personally, I would have liked this poem far more if it was about addition rather than love.
Now, for the attack on the weak part.
"I'm going crazy / because / no one / loves me"
Are you serious? You're going crazy because no one loves you? Whenever I see the pathetic, emo "no one loves me" shit in poetry, the first thing I do is laugh and silently rant about the fact that it's a waste of line space. On top of that, it sounds out of place here (well, at least to me). It sounds so drug addiction related and yet this love parts just thrown in there. Why?
The mood and feeling's integrated real well, but that one part bothers me so much.
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