Whenever I Remember..

Whenever i remember his beautiful brown eyes, I have to remember that he hurt me.

Whenever i remember that he called me beautiful and cared about me, i cant forget that he didn't care enough about me to want me in his life anymore.

Whenever i think about his beautiful boyish gentle voice, i cant forget when he said " just take your pills and all of this will fade eventually"

Whenever i remember the warm hugs he would give me every time he visited or every time we hung out or every time he just wanted to comfort me, i cant forget about the pain inside my heart every time i think of him.

Whenever i remember his hand on my head holding it to his chest when i was crying, not wanting to leave him in Toronto, and remembering him comforting me oh so much.. i cant forget that he also made me cry myself to sleep every night for months.

Whenever i remember how we used to goof around and wrestle over holding bags, i cant forget that because of him I'm so depressed.

Whenever i remember sleeping outside on the balcony with him and staying up practically all night because i was nervous to be sleeping next to him, but so... happy at the same time.. i have to remember the sleepless nights i have because of how much i panic about losing him.

Whenever i remember the hours on the swing set with him, just talking about everything and just being... normal happy teenagers and happily together, i have to remember that he doesn't want me in his life anymore.

Whenever i remember that he bought me a necklace and actually thought about me when i wasn't there, i have to remember that clearly he must haven't have thought about me enough to care about what would happen to me when he left me and how careless he was being towards me.

Whenever i remember the promises he made me for in the future, i have to remember that he broke everyone of those promises... he wont come to my awards ceremony, he wont come to graduation, he will never be there when i truly need him, and we probably will never hang out again.

Whenever i remember that he stuck up for me when his sister was being mean about me, i have to remember that he wasn't always the one sticking up for me.

Whenever i remember how he got permission from my sister to date me, i have to remember that he didn't like how close me and my sister really were.

Whenever i remember that he helped me pick out clothes and always made me feel amazing about what i look like and how he always called me "beautiful, cute, adorable and hot", i have to remember that not everything coming out of his mouth was very nice.

Whenever i remember how much he still cares about me and believes in me, i have to remember that yes he might care a little. but he doesn't care enough to want to help me or want me in his life anymore.

Whenever i remember how much he wanted to hang out with me and do stuff with me, i have to remember how much time this is going to take me to get over... months maybe even years.

Whenever i remember how amazing he was and hot and perfect and sweet and just simply... Mitch he was, i have to remember that the other side of Mitch... isn't as nice and perfect... and he cant be that awesome of a guy if he broke my heart so ruthlessly.

Whenever i remember that the love for him i feel will never go away and it will always be there i have to look towards the future. Mitch will always be My Mitch, The Mitch of my Life, The Mitch I'll Always be in Love With, My Mitch: The One I'll Never Forget, and My Mitch: The Reason Why I'm Still Breathing... But he will also be.. The Mitch Of My Past.