I'm the disease that no one sanely calls
the plague that sourly waters your mouth
the animal instinct we all carry deep inside
Departure: the last sigh.
Author notes
My native language is Spanish, so I apologize for any kind of error or glitch or whatever that might be found in this poem
"I shall not comfort the oppressed until their path is perfect. I shall not retain Belial within my heart."
God, according to "Rules of the Community"
A contest entry
- anything by Virgoan.
1000 points, ended November 24, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I keep on re-reading the piece like 5 times and I think if you scrap the first stanza the poem will be stronger. Myself is being pulled in by the second stanza because it is really strong, poetically. Another is a slight revision on the last line.
I'm the disease that no one sanely calls:
the plague that sourly waters your mouth
the animal instinct we all carry deep inside.
The last sigh--
departure.
Just my thought.
Thanks and regards,
Hensley
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You may be right, the first three lines seem to be a filler more than an actual part of the poem. Probably because the poem ended up to be different than I expected.
thanks for the advise, I would have missed it because after reading and re reading, everything seems natural somehow xD
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