I gave you loyalty,
when we both knew I couldn't ask the same
from you. There was a girl there before me.
Yet you ended it,
because you assumed I'd cheat,
and that I would have someone else two
days after you ended things with me.
Confession # 1: I'm your fool. I let you
build up my hopes, and was actually surprised
when you let me down.
Confession # 2: I should have told you in the
very beginning, that I wasn't sure how to handle
all of it. I said I'd never been the other woman
before, and I meant it.
Confession # 3: As badly as you hurt me,
I miss you a lot. It's stupid, I know,
but when I cuddled with you, I felt
safe for the first time in my life.
Confession # 4: I'm sorry.
Comments
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Alright
-Alright stanza #1, "There was a girl there before me" who was this girl? An ex gf, someone that he always seemed to be fond of? I need more detail. What did she look like? Did you worry that she looked better then you?
-Stanza #2, it could contain way more detail.
-Stanza #3, is great, and I can relate to that.
-Stanza #4, confuses me. If you're telling him you've never been the other woman before I'm assuming, how I read it that you know that he's with someone else and you're just the "side girl" so maybe reword that if that's not what you mean.
-Stanza #5, "hrut" should be [hurt]. All those commas are not necessary. Read it out loud and actually pause where the commas are, and you'll realize it sounds a bit off. I also understand what you're going through here. I've felt this pain, but maybe a reader who hasn't wouldn't understand it. Possibly describe with more feeling, imagery, and detail. Show me how you feel, show me how torn you are, don't tell me.
-Stanza #6, fits perfectly, it's good.
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Stanza 1 is referring to his current girlfriend, whom he has been with for three years. It's kinda supposed to be vague because the only people I've had read it (before I put it up here) were directly involved.
Stanza 4 is exactly how it was written. I do know it was a stupid decision to be his "side girl" or whatever, but I don't regret it.
Stanza 5, yeah, my english teachers always had problems with how many commas I use lol >.< and sorry, i'll fix the typo.
Thank you, so much, for your comment. I really appreciate it.
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