i give my heart to you

i want to run.
i don't know how,
since my ivory legs are long since gone.
and i don't know when,
since time no longer stops for me.





i want to carve your initials
into my iridescent spine.
i give my heart to you.





i give my heart to you.
i wrapped it up and packaged it
into a nice little envelope.
and i'll mail it to you tonight,
so that mean's you'll probably
recieve it in two to three days,
and maybe, just maybe, you'll be amazed.






i give my heart to you,
i want to slouch into your arms,
where pain can no longer reach me,
where bees don't buzz,
and where balloons can't slip out of your grasp.





she runs; she runs far and fast.
she carves a scoreboard into her wrist with a cold knife,
for every time she's lost against this wretched disease.
she promised if you didn't smoke,
she'd erase this scoreboard, and let it heal.
and you didn't but she still does.
she's in too deep.





she loves you, you know.
even though in her writing,
she changes from first person to third,
she tries to be perfect.
she tries to be everything you ever dream of.
but somehow, somehow, she always comes up short.
somehow you always see something more in kelsey or michelle.
somehow she's always second best.





i give my heart to you.
i collect precious moments,
because-well-they're precious.





it's six thirty-one pm on november seventh.
it's two days after the fort hood shooting
and sometimes i feel like i've been shot.
sometimes i don't know what's happened to me.
sometimes i dream about it being me that was killed,
not you.





sometimes i like to play mind games with you.
i like to trick you into thinking that maybe i have a chance at living,
when really i have nothing.
mostly because i just don't want to disappoint you.
sometimes i lie about my cuts because i want you to think i'm doing well.
sometimes i lie.





i give my heart to you.
i wrapped it up, nicely.
and presented it to you in a blue box.
you looked at me, disgusted,
and turned to talk to someone else.
i forgot that i'm not allowed to be seen with you in public.





i forget.
i'm sorry that sometimes i forget.