Sacrifice Of What I've Never Had

I'm holding on to what isn't there
trying to fix the leaks
in what has already run dry.

Maybe it's just me
maybe it's just the lies
maybe it's what you want me to think
but if I leave
you'd have no one.

I wouldn't ask you to do that (again?)
I don't want you to go back
to where I never left.

So I'm bandaging the blood-less flesh
and smiling after the tears,
walking up and pushing away my fears.

If this is what it takes
- pushing aside my own heart and thoughts -
for you to stay happy,
I hope you know I'll do it in a heart beat
(see, I'm already digging out my mask)
like I've done so many times before.

This is the cliff
I tried to build a bridge over it
so as I stand here on the edge
hoping and praying
then you say jump
and, as always,
I jump.

I'm trying to kiss the hand
but am an era too late.
I'm trying to see the bluebird
but it's already flown away.
I'm trying to dry your tears
but you've already hid them.
I'm fighting a battle
against an enemy I cannot see.

And I do it over and over again
if it would heal you.

In every word I say
you find some connotation,
every poem I write
some unknown meaning,
every link I send
some argument we need to start.

I'm holding on
to what isn't there
I'm speaking to you
when you've already left,
my friend.?