Did I ever exist?
I
Somewhere
I do not re member when exactly
in utero perhaps when stabs
and pokes and fetal jokes
found their way
into my heart ~~ even then;
II
Sometime
before the notion of Me
came into existence
before I learned I needed
to protect myself, defend myself
from the very souls that forced me
into existence;
III
Somehow
I learned to scream
silently where no one could hear
the vacuous pain bleating like a
lamb at shearing time
IV
Someplace
but not visible ~~ not tangible
a hole a bottomless cavern
sucked me down through veins
long narrow veins shrunken
like an addict's mainstream closed off
V
Someone
but no one I ever knew
withdrew the teet of motherhood
and ichor of daddyhood from my suckling
mouth and in place of milk and honey
bile and cankorous venom fed and nurtured
the monster growing inside a misanthropic womb.
VI
Entombed in empty scream
abandoned to the forest of dank and dark
tendrils festering like giant serpents strangle-
holding the innards without room to breathe ~~
one Innocent shot forth into the Face of In humanity
without vanity a victic of torpid calamity.
VII
Profanity be thy name! Domestication of the puppet
the insipid game defamed proclaimed the bane
of ashamed taming of the shadowland clone
of heretofore unknown, un recognized full blown
non-entity known as child of the damned!
VIII
Climbing out of the muck into the basement
of reality where darkness was light and silence
cacophony one no-faced, no graced, un spaced
fetus interlaced with blood and mucous found
ground zero where visibility depended upon the
mood of the recipients and nourishment came
in strap wounds and belly tonguings from sick
and debauched childbearers cloven hooved
from hideous dens of iniquity.
IX
O Beauty! a pox you placed upon the child's
alabaster face traced with long titial curls
unfurled and flying free among the hemlocks
a bittersweet temptation to coax the weary
into submission.
X
Tastes. Touches. Gurgles. Snorts.
Breath of whiskey. Ugly circling paws
clutching, grabbing, pumping fear
and un adulterated hatred into the black
and blue bruises eschewed in white
long sleeved blouses and pinafores.
XI
Shut up! Go to your room! Come here!
Look pretty! Be thin! Men like thin, THEY
said as she bled the moon cycle alone afraid
she had done something wrong and would be
punished for she knew not...
XII
She never existed but as a figment
of post world war II; a self-indulgent
lustful brat of the Nazi holocaust
a remnant of someone's dream
of fulfillling their dreams through a pet:
an animal; feral, ferocious, indolent, rageful
diabolical maniacle fiend formed
from the gastrointestinal
psychedelic bed
of "what else we gotta' do but get laid
and make a baby!"
Will I ever find a safe haven
to dwell in peaceful repose?
Author notes
Prompt: My Wish is to no longer exist.
I never did have a Me or an I and those are wounds that make tracks all the way
to the grave and beyond! I am still clawing my way through the maze of dis loyalty
dis trust, violation, abuse, psychological trauma, and so much more than words can express.
A contest entry
- My Wish Is To No Longer Exist by Heavenly Angel.
400 points, ended November 7, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Powerful words...
A profound & breath taking piece of work that draws the reader in with such stirring imagery & sublime emotional depth that moves the reader in its wake...
Awesome as always...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
-
Wow~
How did I miss this one
Powerful Emotions that swelled my eyes
before I reached Stanza Two~
Tissues soaked with salted pain drench~
This tugs deep to core
And Your Author's Notes leave one breathless~
I am sorry You had to endure that~
My words can do no justice at a time like this~
Keep that quill dancing Beautiful
Thank You for sharing Your Voice
Best wishes in all You do Precious Spirit~
with love & light~ Desire~*~
-
a dark write which i enjoyed especially when I read this part...men like thin...this sticks in my head................good luck in the contest...an amazing write..thanks for sharing with me its always a pleasure...
-
So breathtakingly and intensly written! Its like no other work i have read on this site...
the way you worded,
the way you painted...
just so mezmerising and capturing.
I felt like i was in a completely different place...
-
Intensely penned darling;
I was so into the words I didn't realise how long I was reading til I got to the end and went "oh it is finished" - captivating, deep and raw
-
Very intense and expressive..wow
Incredible dark piece; thank you so much for sharing
All the best to you!
~Heavenly~
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
