I can feel your heart cringe.
With every move you make.
This fight is leaving you on edge.
You fear the route that's left to take.
The bullets may be flying.
But, your shield is right here.
I don't plan on moving.
No matter if wounded I appear.
Go ahead and dry the tears.
Act as if they aren't your's to cry.
Bury your head deeper in my shoulder.
&& allow the hands of time to pass by.
A new horizon will be calling.
Even though the night has yet to leave.
When all starts crashing and burning.
Just place your faith in me...
Author notes
Hang in there, Brenda. I love you.
Comments
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I think there that this has some good lines in it.. I also suggest some editing.. For example,
The bullets may be flying, (instead of the .)
But, your shield is right here.
Also, here..
Act as if they aren't yours to cry. (I got rid of the apostraphe)
This line sounded awkward:
No matter if wounded I appear.
Also, this line
& allow the hands of time to pass by. (there were too many &'s)
There are lines that resonate with me, like this line..
'I can feel your heart cringe,'
'with every move you make.'
This line is very metaphorical:
'A new horizon will be calling,'
'Even though the night has yet to leave.'
That gives it good quality..
Over all, this can become a gem with some shining up on it..
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