Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

I Want To...

I want to dive into the gleaming ocean,
An offer of exhilaration or even emotion

I want to hide from all those pains,
That calmly waits to wind me in its chains

I want to walk into the path of indifference,
Where words and actions don’t make any more sense

I want to fly into the dancing sky,
And let the wind carry me until I die

I want to forget everyone in this world,
So my heart doesn’t have to dejectedly unfurl

I want someone to sing me a beautiful song,
So that I can forget all my worries of long

I want to open their blinded eyes,
To make them feel the sadness they devise

I want to hold you close for a while,
Before I tell you my final goodbye

Author notes

...

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • deedee 23
    November 14
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    very good piece!!!really very deep words buh i didn't luv your title very much,didnot show how beautiful z dis poem,i think it could be more attrachtin, i don have a suggestion to a better title buh i feel that


    • evershine-90
      November 14
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your kind words hmmm hehe I will check what I can do about it, Appreciate your comment!


  • shannonbananan
    November 10

    Edit | Reply
    i really really like this poem. its really easy to relate to, and i love the way you expressed your feelings to just get away. good job


  • EvansV
    November 10

    Edit | Reply

    what a beautiful write

    this takes my heart away i want to hide from all those pains that camly awaits to wind me in its chains i feel your pain and anguish you write in so nicely love it keep writing


  • Theappleofyoureye
    November 9

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this, its beautifully written, it has a very nice flow and rhyme to it.

    "I want to fly into the dancing sky,
    And let the wind carry me until I die"

    This was my favorite stanza...


  • PolarbearOpapatika
    November 8
    Edit | Reply
    Shilpa! Me loves this!


  • Minam
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    aww i jst love this poem...like Forgotten Truth says, its really raw...yea just loved it


  • Forgotten truth
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    I like the rawness of this, it dose loss its flow at times, but that could be cause of the rawness of it,. Some good wording on this, these are good words , I want to walk into the path of indifference, Where words and actions don’t make any more sense. And you get the feel of the poem well….


    • evershine-90
      November 8
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Appreciate your comment and taking the time to read this

  • Time focus on Me
    November 7

    Edit | Reply

    Hey

    Sis, this poem is amazin. I understand how u feel. Loved this poem. It was every heartfelt with full of emotions and heart. Keep da ink flowing

  • deedee 23
    November 7
    Edit | Reply
    amazing !!! i really loved it !!


  • zee91190
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    Firstly, yaay it rhymes ..I hope you are happy about that.
    Secondly, I really like it.The theme of the poem is absolutely creative. It has that very desperate and trapped feel to it. I can relate to this poem in so many ways, as only you can know. Its like youve splashed my innermost feelings on the screen right now. Lovely write. Good job

    Luv ya

1 - 19 of 19