Im sick of her sleeping around.
I get a call saying she wont be home, what a suprise.
My best friend, is going down,
down a hill of obsession,
into a pit full of tension.
How can I describe how upset I am?
How insanity knocks on my door a few times a day.
And how can I let it in, when all I ever do is block out the pain?
Im sick of her kicking me out.
Because, I got to live on the streets now.
I make money, good money, I shouldnt be on the ground,
begging my way out,
hurting and crying,
someones got to have the answers
to end the worst day of my life.
Please tell me how to make this better
Comments
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The feelings in this poem are those of sadness and almost despair. I would cut out unnecessary words to make the lines more pungent. Take the third stanza. There are too many "how". Now we all have our ways of writing, so don't be offended. This is how I would have written it:
I am upset,
anger unfurling in my heart,
Insanity knocks,
Not once alas.
Should I let it in?
Or block the pain
that never ends.
Just a suggestion of course.
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