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And while I sleep

Missing image

 

In sleep I dreamed to dream you here
And from distant shores you came
With your shining chiffon angel smile
To light this burning flame

Then like a gorgeous fragrant vision
You crept here to lay with me
And love we made, sweet love to sleep
Across that yearning crystal sea

 

Author notes

For my sweet Cheryl

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Parth Sawhney
    November 15
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    wow...great imagery..n beautifully written..
    good job..


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    November 11
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    I dictionary.commed "shifon" and came up empty, so I'm wondering if you meant for the word to be "chiffon," which appears to fit the meaning of the line.

    This is a sweet piece, and your imagery is lovely. The smoothly flowing meter and rhyme made the reading a pleasant experience for me. Thanks so much for entering my contest!


  • guardianhost gold member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply

    Dearest Tony

    Before turning in for the night , again I am drawn to read your poem once again,
    I must leave constructive criticism your note says, Well it could be longer, you could be closer and we could start and never have an ending. But really the poem is perfect and keeps me wanting for that something more, keeps me looking towards the open door.
    Warmest Regards,
    Yours
    Cheryl

  • guardianhost gold member
    November 7
    Edit | Reply

    Your tender words implore me

    whispering into my heart...kissing my soul , how I adore the vision you impart.
    The Art is a lovely touch, I love it so much.