i.
holding my breath seems so automatic
now that i spend so much time underwater.
its not forgetting how to breath per say... but more so when to begin again.
like when you ask a question,
there is definitely no air going anywhere.
( my lungs don't need it at that point.)
absorbing your words through my skin is almost as good
as tasting oxygen after 2 minutes under the surface.
ii.
i've always found little bubbles to sound like tiny notes
as i blow them towards the surface
tinkering as if they were bouncing off a xylophone
you often float into my thought process
in a giggle of little balloons that >.pop.< into soapy glitter
and flutter away as the waves of a new thought drown you out
(but only for a little while)
sooner rather than later
i hear those musical notes coming,
shimmying up to the surface of consiousness
and bursting open with enthusiasm.
if only i could catch those notes on paper....
iii.
i wonder how many ways you can say the same thing
before it just gets repetitive
and meaning peters out.
no matter how you look at it,
water is the same from every side...
from when you hang suspended in a chlorinated pool
looking up to see the distorted world above,
to looking down from an airplane
and seeing the vast consuming blue of the Atlantic.
but then again,
there is no other way to say those 3 little words
that choke me every time they attempt to surface.
why can no other words
describe something so simple....
iv.
i think the smell of chlorine is permanently soaked into my skin
but at one point, i believe it did the same to you.
maybe when we pour our two worlds together
they won't separate
without a fight.
Author notes
Self prompt : Underwater
i swim
a lot
i might as well live in a pool
hooray for water metaphor poem number 512?
A contest entry
- Love, Please by Painted Nails.
950 points, ended November 17, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Any ways i could have possibly make this any better?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Fantastic imagery. I really like th setup of this write. Best of luck in your contest.
-
-
i like vignettes too
they make for interesting metaphorical things
-
-
Well done! I find that, at least recently, when I am looking for a poem to remind me of things I cannot actively remember. Your deep, meaningful words sooth me, calm me, letting me both enjoy what has just been spoken, and understand what they mean.
I remember a time when I would swim like that. I grew up by the ocean. I swam every day as a kid, always holding my breath for as long as I could, trying to beat my friend's times. I remember the feeling of the bubbles, brushing against my skin on their journey to the surface, and I do remember the sound they made as they reached their goal. I would purposefully push air under to feel and hear the bubbles.
Thank you for reminding my of such fond times.
-
-
well
i'm glad i could bring you back
thanks for the read
Kat
-
-
this style fits you so damn well,
you do a great job with the format and how you show each section in a diffrent light
yet at the same time all are brilliant. -
-
thank you!!
i still think you're a better writer than me....
-
-
lmao, During gym i smell like i just got out of the pool.
I must be part chlorine, and i don;t think your crazy. If you are then I'm mental. -
-
well we can share a room at the looney bin then
lol yup. part chlorine is a no brainer
-
-
Love it
Hahaha yes it's soooo true about the tiny sounds the bubbles create when they hit the surface. Oh and the smell is ALWAYS there, even during the weeks we don't swim for like 10 hours
And i agree that we swimmers might as well live in a pool.
-
-
lol my sister doesn't hear the bubble music
she thinks i'm crazy
and ya my hair smells like chlorine no matter what >.<
-
-
Very nice. I really liked this poem. I like the "Self prompt" idea. Excellent. "I might as well live in a pool" hm..if you end up moving to a swimming pool let me know how staying on allpoetry works out
Computers don't like water
-Steve-
-
-
well i figured if i gave all these wonderful prompts out that i should do them myself too.
ha ha well i'm a pool 10 hours a week
-
-
Oh, I love the underwater theme and near the beginning where you "don't need air". It just made me feel rather relaxed reading most of this.
Good work!
-
-
its the same prompt i gave you >.<
glad you likey
-
-
I figured. You did an awesome job though.
-
-
well thanks deary
i still think yours was better
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
