What am I,
without you?
I am me,
Unwrapped,
Free.
I am without an
Identity.
How do I speak and move
Without you?
How do I learn to
Breathe again on my own?
I don't know,
But
I need to let
You go.
Slowly unwind your
Fingers
Laced with mine.
Take a step back,
Watch you
Turn away,
As you slowly
Begin to
Fade.
Author notes
My poem is about my anxiety/depression.
A contest entry
- Words falling on deaf ears. by kamikage.
650 points, ended November 15, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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unique
You took an interesting view on the contest, I like that. But I think you might have missed the point of the contest. It's hard for me to identify the power of emotion. Although your poem is unique in its own right, it could use a little but more poetic devices. In your Author Notes you mention this is about your issues with mental health. I really would have liked it if you incorporated that back story in your poem. Lastly, your piece seems a little passive. Maybe you could add some colorful adjectives/adverbs to further deepen your emotions?
On the other hand, maybe you wanted to treat this subject with no emotion at all - like maybe you are dead inside because of it. Or, you could be conveying that you have lost all hope, are tired, and simply just give up fighting it. But the point of the contest is to "let go" of excess baggage, which is not the case in the last three lines. In any case, this is interesting. Good job. -
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Thank you for the advice, I did change my poem for the contest. Hope that helps!
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I really love the way this poem flows. It's an easy read and it's abstract and deep. Great work!
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It is so crazy how we as humans find it so hard to let go off of someone. But when they have caused so much pain it's easy to remember and finally letting them go with and only pure wish. The wish of wishing the well and that their lives go okay
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