Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Hide and Seek (For Universal Children's Day)

Stars spelling out in the sky,
Mama's love for me,
For they continue to breathe, speak, sing out her love for me,

When she no longer breathes,

Fairy-tales shimmer behind my closed eyes,

Jack N' Jill, Rapunzel n' Mama's stories suddenly come alive,

The smell of her cookies and the sound of her voice,

Her prescence comes closer and our little game has begun again,

Hands over my eyes and her whisper in my ear,

"Come and find me,"

Sunshine bakes my closed eyes,

The morning sun rising from the now sleeping night,

Fairy-tales bid me good morning,

And fall into sleeping with the night,

Mama's warm hand of sunshine tickles my cheeks through the blinds,

Mama's love is horrible at the game of hide and seek,

The grip of childhood seeps away,

Adulthood takes its place,

But Mama's love still plays its game,

And her stories still flood my unconsciousness,

The rainy day clears away,

A bright sun fighting the gray clouds away,

One light beam seeks me out,

Mama's love flows down from the Heavens,

"Found you"

    

 

   

   

 

   

Author notes

This is a poem I wrote for the November contest for new users. The holiday I chose was, as the title said, Universal Children's Day. For this poem, I wanted to try to put in a few elements of childhood like fairy-tales and games (like hide and seek) and also a child's mother's love even in death.

What This Poem Is About:

This poem is about a little girl who's mother had died and was always playing hide and go seek with her. In little things like the stars twinkling or the sunlight grazing her face she'd find her mother's love and would never feel like her mother was truly gone. Even as she grew older, she still played the little "game" with her mother.

What Helped Inspire This:

The idea just came to me but what really helped me to write this was music, as usual. This time, it was All Around Me by Altnerative Rock band Flyleaf (Love song or a song about God). In a way, the little girl's mother was "all around" her.

"I can feel you all around me,
Thickening the air I'm breathing,
Holding onto what I'm feeling,
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me,
And you whisper you love me,
And I begin to fade,
Into our secret place,
The music makes me sway,
The angels singing say we are alone with you,
I am alone and they are too with you..."

A contest entry

What exactly did you think about this poem? How did it make you feel? What did you think was going on in the poem?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Welcome To AllPoetry

    Hannah dearest child you wrote this so beautifully. Wow I'm really impressed with this poem at your age. You definitely have a beautiful sense of life, yet you are still young. Your words are so beautiful. You brought happiness and tears of joys within my eyes. I absolutely love the ending. I can tell you have a beautiful soul with a warm heart. You captured this "hide and seek" game so differently then how other kids your age would of captured it. I like your style in writing. Don't ever let anyone tell you other wise. You will grow up to be an amazing poet!

    Thanks for taking the time for entering the November new members contest. It's an honor to have you here and sharing your lovely words with us. I am sure we will be happy to look forward to more of your work.

    - Maria ♥
    Site Greeter in training


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    November 22
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    And thanks for entering the contest. Your poem brought back fond memories of mother-daughter days for me. There is nothing more special than the relationship between mother and child. It is something that is lasting and one of those things that make us who we are, I think.

    Loved reading it. Best of luck in the contest

    Violet
    Site Greeter

  • Babygurl209
    November 15
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    touching i like it


  • greyhaime silver member
    November 12
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    welcome to allpoetry

    I loved the whole thing through. the last lines were perfect I thought. well done, thank you for sharing this with us here and for joining the site, please keep up the writing, if you putting them out like this now,, you will only get better with time,
    cheers



    • Hnk999
      November 12
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting. Any feedback is appreciated after the other website I used to use that didn't give me any feedback at all.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    November 8

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    I am awed that at 12 years old you have a deep sense of life, and love between families; I wish I had your talent when I was 12 years old but alas I didn't

    Truly a lovely poem that is strong, personal and wonderful

    Be aware if you wish to reply to a comment click 'Reply' under the users name otherwise they won't know you answered

    Thank You for Your Entry and Best of Luck!

    I hope you enjoy AllPoetry and continue to share your words with us

    Stay safe
    ~Manda
    Site Greeter


  • Hnk999
    November 7
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for reading and commenting Scorpio. I'm glad you liked it.


  • CareBearKilla
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    Oh! This was really good. It was sad, cuz the girls mom died, but it was happy cuz her mom's love was still with her. this was really well written, absolutely amazing!
    Great write, and good luck in your contest!

1 - 8 of 8