Holding That Gun

I held that gun in my hand
felt the weight of it pulling me down
flicked the safety off, it slide easily
I looked her over, shes loaded
Held her in my lap
Thumb tracing that safety
On...off...on
How many times had you sat here
Staring down at a loaded gun
Did you even think about it
Had I crossed your mind?
I want to hold her to my temple
Help get some insight to why
Or how you could do such a thing
...but I'm too afraid
Afraid it would become my demise too

Author notes

one night I was sitting on my bed with Ryan's High Point 45 in my hand, I couldn't help but think about Wil...and how many times he sat there on the edge of his bed with the gun in his hand...I still don't understand why. I miss him so badly.