Please,
Talk to me, acknowledge me, do something.
Just notice me.
Pushing through a crown,
I'm right in front of you.
On the train, bus, sidewalk,
I'm right beside you.
Notice me.
If I cry out to you, you may look around but,
you fail to see me.
I try to talk to you, introduce myself to you but,
you're just to busy.
Please, just notice me.
What else must do?
You're in my destiny, but I am not in yours.
I'm one broken life.
Please notice me.
A contest entry
- Words falling on deaf ears. by kamikage.
650 points, ended November 15, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
so... i felt really like ... depressed about this... i always see this one guy.. aways want to talk to him but...never get that chance...
Comments
-
good start
I can feel your longing here, and I like the "I'm one broken life" bit. However, I think this piece leans a little on the "confession" side that I asked entrants to stay away from. That is not to say your poem isn't good, but it could use some sprucing up with metaphor and imagery, or else it sounds flat. You've got a good start, keep going. Thanks for entering. -
good job darlin
-
good
Adding your comment:
