Roller Coaster of Emotion

The past few days have been a roller coaster for me.
Name the emotion. I've had it.
Jealousy, anger, sadness, confusion,
love, depression, happy and fear.

I don't think anyone can blame me for it,
but I blame myself;
hell, I put myself through it.
I been all over the place the past few days.

Really, all over the place;
jealous assumptions (that still might've been right, who knows),
crying spurts for 6 hours at a time,
not having slept for 2 days straight.

I'm trying my best though,
and I'm kinda grounded today;
as I was for a week or so before.
Looking back on all the things I did well.

I'm proud of the way I handled things.
I did lose it at times, but I'm fucking human,
I'm SUPPOSED to lose it.
It shows passion and heart -- all of which everyone sees and she feels.

But it's okay, I get why we're apart again.
I get why I'm here, and she's there.
I'm trying my best to make the best out of my life,
but it is kind of difficult because she WAS my life.

All in the process right?
Be a good boy, get beat down, work your way up.
I've been through this cycle before.
I'm able to do it again, I'm sure.

I'm not happy yet,
but that's my problem.
I'm usually happier when I'm with that special person,
but that person has to ACTUALLY treat me well.

Don't get me wrong, I still love her with all my heart,
but I refuse to be a doormat any longer.
I don't really blame her though,
I put myself out there, I did that.

But this all lead to my roller coaster ride,
all the emotions sometimes I felt at once.
and still kind of feel them now.
But it's okay, it's okay.

I have to make changes in my life.
I guess everyone does.
It won't necessarily change how I feel,
I just realize what I'm worth.

Someone should break their back to make ME happy,
not just one-way.
I basically have hernia from breaking my back,
but hopefully now I can stand up straight.

Peace, to the days of me getting stomped on,
enabling poor treatment of myself,
me being degraded by outside forces
and me continuing this drought (hopefully).

I still love with all my heart,
but now I want to pump more blood into it.
He will always stay with her,
but I'm not gonna make myself a bitch.

I have to stand my ground,
demand respect and equality;
look to make myself happy and enjoy life.
This is the upswing of the roller coaster of emotion.


                                            ...let's see how long it lasts before it drops again.