Purging

I don't feel important
I feel like I'm being punished
For being good
For doing well
I feel like a failure
Like I'm not trying
Like I'm not living up to everyone's expectations
I'm not as good as everyone else

But...

I have a 4.3 GPA,
I rank 33rd in my class of 537,
I have six A's and one B,
I am a good student.
I am a good student.
But at this moment
Good doesn't feel good
Enough.

My mom says I'm dramatic
My dad says I'm too smart
For my own good
My brother thinks I'm lame
And my sister tells me daily
How much she hates me
My family is struggling
Through money problems,
Growing up, fighting,
constant fighting brought on
By stress and frustration.
It's like we're trying to solve
The problems
But going about it different ways
Like we're trying to meet in the
Middle but we're all on parallel paths

But...

I know my parents love each other
I know my sister is just trying to find her way
I know my brother is eleven and immature
I know I am caught between leaving forever
And holding on
But at this moment
It feels as though everything is falling apart
When one person bursts out
About an unswept floor

Don't even get me started
On friends and my boyfriend
You'd think they'd help
But they only add to
My day's low points
Which totals up to too many
For just a mere
Twenty-four hours

I feel like a mule
Carrying all this weight around
Can't someone just take it off?!?!?!

Here's the thing
I don't have a life threatening disease
Someone I love isn't on the battlefield
I have a roof over my head and food to eat
There are people who love me
I know all this
I know I am blessed and
That I should be praising and not
Complaining
But just because my life is good
Doesn't mean its perfect
I have problems too
I am human too