It's been ages sinse you left me,
so why do i still weep,
sometimes it gets so bad,
that i just can't find sleep.
The feelings that i have for you,
they just wont go away,
i try so hard to make them pass,
but they worsen every day.
The butterflys have aged now,
but they flutter more than ever,
whenever someone speaks your name,
it's not getting any better.
...and i fear it never will.
Author notes
100.Victimized by Old Butterflies
A contest entry
- TITLES! by Unbreakable3.
450 points, ended November 11, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Just let me know now if i'm wrong or right, don't lie.
Comments
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This is AWESOME.
The rhyming isn't forced at all, which is hard to accomplish sometimes. My favorite part is,
"The butterflys have aged now,
but they flutter more than ever,
whenever someone speaks your name,
it's not getting any better."
The last line concludes the poem nicely.
One issue -
"that i just can not find sleep."
Cannot is one word, but if you switched it to "can't," it would keep the rhythm better. Just a suggestion. =] -
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Thank's a lot, i looked it over and your right ^^
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i really really liek this. you have some spelling errors but nothing too big!
thnak you so very very much for everything and best of luck in the contest and with future writing!
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