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Leaving (Tanka)








from the cupboard
I get my coat
yet again
leaving my house
into spring rain





Andrew Hide
15~04~2004

Author notes

Written April 15th, 2004

Thank you Gina

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Emerald13
    September 22, 2007

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    i look forward to seeing what you do with your older pieces, given your comment on coming back to them with a clearer viewpoint ... (plus the maturity that comes with experience - i am sure you know, its not something that automatically comes with age ) ...

    if it were mine ... i would make line 1 the pivot ... and something about the last line ... into ? ... i like spring rain but i wonder if it is implied ?

    >>> Gina


  • SirPort
    August 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    all is good

    Sir, again, light, and almost melancholy. I like the space (break) after the third line, gives the illusion of a leap, at least I think so, although the (leap) pivot is there. Good color to this image of leaving the warmth and serenity of home, to explore the newness of the season.
    SirPort


  • Ava Noire silver member
    April 17, 2004
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    yes, melancholy is the feel I had too. Though I also got the image of a peaceful rain, and that is soothing...


  • myrataal silver member
    April 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Wondrous

    yet again ... leaving ... spring rain ... such a seasonal poem. Emotional and evocative. Somewhat hinting on melancholy ...

    Excelllent.


  • SusanL
    April 16, 2004
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    A condensed tanka huh? Now this I may stand a better chance at than a condensed haiku. A little more space to comlete a thought...

  • Billbard silver member
    April 15, 2004
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    Andrew.Great condensation both the Tanka and the spring rain.I have not to date attemptsd to write a condensed Tanka.I shall.Bill


  • Blue moon
    April 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hi there,
    This has a great image to it, I find it really sweet well done, keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing all the best

    Blue moon


  • Menohir
    April 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    'Yet again', I like this, you left us with this beautiful setting. I just thought he went 'yet again' to go look for his dog that has been missing, he has been searching for days looking everywhere! The man can't accept loosing him, he loves him too much...so again his worries come back and he has this feeling that he has to keep looking...lol

    enjoyed

    Menohir


  • macandrew
    April 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    good

    A good poem. I am left with the nagging thought of trying to figure out what draws you outside.

    yet again

    This line seems like a reminder of a regular task. Has to be done but not by choice.

    A good read.
    John

  • Spiros Zafiris
    April 15, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    ..hey Andrew! nice to see you here..the poem, itself,
    has a haunting simplicity--i like it very much..

    ..Spiros Zafiris

1 - 10 of 10