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~ Love-Fool ~

Missing image

 

 Sleepless,
you turn the tide
of linen, lying
in wait for one
whose sunset lips
are but
your heart’s
eclipse. 

Where now:
the promise of a kiss?
Teardrops time
each second’s slip,
as you measure
your distance
from bliss,

and the pledge
he once placed –
on the closed
lids of your eyes –
 
falters ... 

… fades … 

… and dies.    






© Stuart Higginson 6-11-09  


 

Author notes

Photo is my own.

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1 - 5 of 5

  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    November 7

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    Love "fool".... yes... isn't it something what love, or hope for affection makes us do. We would warn our friends against this sort of pining, and yet are hopelessly caught up ourselves...seemingly powerless to its vices. They say that a fool is one who continues to repeat the same actions expecting different results. We are creatures of need though.... and habit, lol.

    I love expecially that line about teardrops keeping time. There is both the emotional effect as well as a drip-drop kind of sound that comes to mind much like the ticking of an actual clock. The timing and rhythm of those lines pulls that off nicely. The passing of time is important to note, too, I think... particularly because you chose to describe the lips as "sunset" lips and the breaking of the heart without them as an "eclipse." Nice word manipulation.

    I'm not crazy about the "but" in line 6, a little archaic, but it's not overly distracting.

    Interesting also is that you chose to place the pledge on the "closed" lids of the eyes. If eyes our our soul's windows, it almost seems like a haunting forshadowing that the pledge, and that what she most deeply wishes for will never been seen or brought to fruition.

    Lots of great stuff packed in these short lines. Nicely done!

    ten


  • Night Hope gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply

    First of all, Stuart - I love this picture of you and Miss Susie. She's a love, isn't she? Secondly, this is a deeply aware penning of the vagaries of love and its ebb and flow. Sadly true, but still - that hardly makes it easier to bear, I know. Beautifully penned, nonetheless.



  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    kind of sad here at the end, i just see someoen close to death's door as i read it again. but i think in the end that is how i would wanna go with someone i love near me, but i could be reading this wrong i am not sure, keep it flowing

  • Rowan gold member
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    sighs. Very nice Stuart. Sad, but beautifully so.

  • Annorlunda
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    How tragically beautiful. A wonderfully written, wonderfully structured piece with a fabulous ending.

1 - 5 of 5