it was a cold
morning, frozen joints
squeaking in tune with
the birds i thought i’d
never hear again
the jaundice walls
were tinted clover
my vision a sickly blue
and i awoke from the long
night that had promised
itself perfect and dreamless
oh, how i wish my eyes
hadn’t opened, that i could
see the bloody mess
i’d made of things
i reached for my antidote
to end this nightmaric reverie
and finally join that
great dead sea
and not just envy
its denizens
Author notes
Another take on a poem of mine titled Envy.
In a list
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very emotional, thanks for sharing.
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Oh. This is quite some poem that you have going on in here.
i really liked it. I haven't had a chance to read the other poem yet but I will after I'm finished commenting on this one. I know you don't care if you dont' get a comment but I think it's just rude not to say anything. I mean you put your feelings into it right? I liked the use of color in this and with the way you mentioned a dead sea you really reminded me of another writer on this site that looked at the sea and water as something dead. I thought that was pretty cool to see two people on here with similiar wave lengths. The poem has a sad feel but kind of wistful too. Oh I don't know, like you're remembering something. That's what I'm getting out of this anyway. I"m probably wrong. 
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I like how well this poem progresses... it just subtly flows into the next part and then to the next. Overall, no complaints whatsoever other than your use of the word jaundice... didn't fit in my opinion. Solid write but lacking any real impact or memorability.
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I liked the use of the word "jaundice", the parts in italics were particularly good as well. Not a bad write over all.
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thank you for entering this contest, this was an interesting poem good luck!
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