Flesh of your flesh, she is partially you.
With bronzed brown sun kisses upon her face.
How can you despise her, so pure and true?
Tell her that mirrors don’t reflect value.
Teach her there’s more to one’s beauty or race.
Flesh of your flesh, she is partially you!
Compliment her sweltering locks, will you?
Don’t make her difference feel like a disgrace.
How can you despise her, so pure and true?
Your crippling words crush, if only you knew -
Her scars could never be hidden with lace.
Flesh of your flesh, she is partially you.
Your afflicting words are like a tattoo,
transforming a heart into a black ace.
How can you despise her, so pure and true?
She needs your acceptance and kind words too,
If only she saw some love in your face.
How can you despise her, so pure and true?
Flesh of your flesh, she is partially you...
Author notes
R e b e k a h - A n n
This Villanelle is dedicated to Cynthia Bateman here on AP
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me your very best!!!! Tons of points! by God is my reality.
1450 points, ended November 24, 258 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I see you've already done some editing, significantly shortening my critique myself. So good job!
I'll see if I can come up with anything else and let you know shortly if I do. Meanwhile:
The first line of the fourth stanza may carry more impact if instead of by "If"fy you determine things more solidly, creating more of an impact.
What this means, simply, is perhaps consider changing "If future was known" to "The future is known." This would make the following ideas and images much more heart-wrenching.
That's all I had so far. I'll let you know if I come up with anything else in time.
best,
Mia -
I simply love this write!! It shows so much emotion that in turn gives so much love. Maybe this could help others see that there should always be love for those of such a young age. A very good write, if I say so myself.
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I'm so happy you read my girly write
Hope you are doing well. Thank you so much for stopping by!!
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I love the Villanelle and this one is truly beautiful. Love for a child is the purest kind of love. I'm glad you wrote this poem.
Love,
Amera
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Ahhh sis! Thank you for stopping by! So glad you liked this!
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Lovely use of the form, it has a circular effect that is quite charming. This piece has wonderful imagery and emotion and there is very little if anything that I would change. The depth and truth in this piece speaks volumes, how can someone hate their child or treat them badly, when they are a part of you and if the truth bknown, the best part of you. great work hun. Hugs, Bunny
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Thank you for your kind comments.
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wow
some misunderstanding and you have genuflected back..and perhaps remorsed...and are ensnaring the child back in your love..loved this poem for its imagery and emotions...I am visting you after ong..widh you would pay a return visit to me -
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Not remorse from my side. I read a poem and felt so sad for the lady that this poem was born. Thank you for your kind comments. I will return the favor for sure!
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Heartbroken
I'm not going to tell you how to fix your poem. I don't need to it made me feel heartbroken -
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sowy for making you sad. This poem was born out of my sadness for another poet on AP. Thanks for reading!
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Hello,
I enjoy villanelles. They are an incredibly beautiful form of poetry.
A couple of small things that I noticed about your piece, first line/ second stanza, I would consider changing the word don't to doesn't . If you are going strictly by beats per line, then change the mirror to that mirrors. You get the same meaning and all tenses and forms match up.
I find myself stumbling some because the rhythms of each stanza aren't consistent. See if you can edit that to even out the rhythms without messing up your rhymes. I think you can.
Good luck in the contest. -
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Thanks for the help. I am working on those lines
All the best to you too
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aaww touching!
a wonderful pen lady, it's sad though if you are attempting to advise a mother on 'unconditional love' brilliant wording throughout as well, and the pic of the lil girl? ADORABLE..
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Thanks my friend. The mother in this poem lived back in 1930. And is looooong gone now.
Just thought it could be a lamp to others
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Oh what a great write.
I love the line
'with grounded pepper stains on her sweet face.'
That must be the sweetest description for freckles ever!
Brilliant poem, you make me proud!
Love
Sonya
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Thanks my friend... Editing this poem like crazy and I suppose it will be a brand new poem in a few hours.
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