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If you really love me...

 

 

 

 

You sewed me up like a doll

or a Frankenstein bride -

wounds drawn tight

into black lines.

 

Proud of how you saved me,

you beamed as you held my hand,

careful not to damage

my bandaged wrists.

 

Fool

you still haven't realized

your stitches are laces

in a corset that constricts me,

 

your love a cage

that imprisons me,

your affection a lake

that swallows me -

 

 

just set me free...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Picture and title prompt: "Bandaged Wrists" &
http://princess-of-shadows.deviantart.com/art/snow-white-queen-42068902 

Might I add that "Snow White Queen" is an Evanescence song that absolutely rocks

This poem definitely not up to my own personal standards, but I'll take it. LOL

A contest entry

Please tell me what you really think. Criticism welcomed.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • whyspr gold member
    November 14
    Edit | Reply
    excellent write and well deserving of the gold!


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    November 14
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Thank You for Your Entry ~

    the moment I read this poem the first time I was captivated and decided to leave the page and figured like most things I'd forget it exactly but remember I liked it ... Nope. I remembered this almost word for word -

    this is quite simplistic yet it screams off the page and slaps me in the face;
    I love the "or a Frankenstein bride -" line and how you wrote "Fool" as if you were there shaking your head


    best of luck


  • Swan song gold member
    November 14
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    your love a cage

    that imprisons me,

    your affection a lake

    that swallows me -

    I would say this is golden and I can detect a little Sylvia in this poem dear!!!! Good luck


  • Emerald Dog
    November 9
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    "You sewed me up like a doll"

    From this immense opening, you maintain the dark and disturbing momentum of the poem. Your pace and word choice are perfect. Your background says it all. So shocking but oh so very real.


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    your background is a little disturbing

    I like how you took a cliche phrase "if you love something...set it free"
    and spun it in a totally original and creative way...thus making that your own. very well done.


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      November 10
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      That is a disturbing background isn't it? LOL. It really creeps me out.

      Thank ya!


  • Beanbiscuit
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    The dark stream of emotions flows silently but strongly. When love is not any more the way it should be, it could be tragic and hurtful.
    Thanks for sharing this powerful writing.


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    I forgot that I wrote a poem kinda based on Lithium way back--a year and a half ago...lol. http://allpoetry.com/poem/4174909 <--if you want to read it...lol


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    omg...how dark. I really love this...and I absolutely love the song Snow White Queen from evanescence!! one of my top favorites

    creepy picture...very effective


  • The Drifter
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    A very powerful and dark poem. Very well written with a flow that grabs the reader by the throat and drags them along to the end. So harsh like from one who has had more than enough and has to get free or something is going to happen. Thank you for sharing.


  • sgking123 silver member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    the more I read of this the more I got convinced of the deep streak of indepence in your core..which is so adorable.. a super poem...loved it dear.May I invite you to my page for a read or two.


  • JinSays gold member
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    we can bust you out darling. I can get some peeps and we can come and smash the walls down and save you. how does that sound?
    lol
    just call me, I have friends that'll do anything for me if I pay them enough
    love,
    jin

    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      November 6

      Edit | Reply
      LOL! You gotta love friends like that, don't ya?
      Heck... I have friends that will do anything for me whether I pay them or not. I really have the most awesome friends ever.

      Like you!

      This isn't a personal write though - just for a contest. I am very happy in my marriage... and I think my husband understands my free spirit fairly well. He isn't the kind who says "you have to stay with me no matter what" - he just wants me to be happy, no matter what.

      I have to hop over to your page and read some! I am pathetically behind on reading. You'll forgive me won't you? (bit puppy dog eyes)

      • JinSays gold member
        November 6

        Edit | Reply

        no worries, you'll live without reading my twaddle.
        puppy dog eyes will not work on me, I swear it.
        happy no matter what.
        that's perfect.

        just perfect.
        you've inspired me sweetpea, thanks for that
        happy Friday (yaaaaaaay)!!


  • Poetic-Theorem silver member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! This is stunning dear
    The imagery blew me away..love the metaphoric references as well..this is very dark and Intense which i happen to love..BG is haunting and very sad
    bravo..wish you the very best..love♥♥..David


    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much! I really think it sucks. LOL. But it's good to hear such praise.

      How are you?


  • Pure Thought silver member
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    the cage door is never closed
    and there are foot stones on the water
    fly free or walk away but
    remember the path goes both ways

    I like yours here

    • Auburn Sunrise gold member
      November 6
      Edit | Reply
      This is such an awesome response - very poetic. It's funny - your poetry has evolved so highly, and mine has really regressed. I think you stole my muse. LOL

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