Rays of moon beamed onto the night, trying to cast a brighter collection of sparkles than the sun.
A murderous meteor shattered upon grassy lands, and earth caught ablaze.
Wet bulbs of hope formed to extinguish unjustified evils, but twinkling stars poured from your eyes, instead.
And half the world stood by watching florescent fireworks as shadows of radio interference remained ignored.
Author notes
inspired by:
universe
&
everywhere, I'm breathing stars
.
you can get different radio stations from across the various states during meteor showers.
edited 11/11/09
--I am unsure about "your eyes"; maybe I should use "her" ? idk >.<
A contest entry
- everywhere, i'm breathing the stars by nous..
400 points, ended November 11, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you dislike, so I can edit.
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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wow..........gotta run for my german class..but wow.....
reminds me that i need to watch 2012 
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i dig it...the imagery was very nice...good poem
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Poet
My a different view than that doom and gloom meteor stuff you see in the movies. Perhaps the cosmic code has guided your hand in this fine piece of writing. And happy writing young poet.
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Such beautiful imagery and great vocabulary in this piece. There was a feeling of comfort and sound while reading it. Amazing write.
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I especially like the alliteration you use here: "muderous meteor" and "florescent fireworks." They give this additional character
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What starts as a beautiful image of stella turns into something heartrending. That you manage to capture so much in just a handful of words is amazing
Your imagery is just wow, without sacrificing one iota of feeling.
Damn
Thank you for sharing! I wish you all the best.
Zach Estel. -
Nice write here. Congrats on having it featured on the front page of the site in the "In the Spotlight" section, I can see why it was chosen.
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This is a very interesting topic tackled in very few words. I would be careful that you don't slip too deeply into cliches (moon beamed; twinkling stars) but I applaud your usage of alliteration (sparkles than the sun; murderous meteor; florescent fireworks).
And I am completely jealous of "Wet bulbs of hope", which reminds me of a brand new tulip, not yet opened to the world & still a touch of dew clinging. And the ending of this left me thinking, pondering even. So, kudos to you!
Nicely done and good luck in the contest.
- Bean Sidhe -
This is extremely COOL. Normally I'm annoyed by catchy backgrounds. But this works really well. It's not an irritation to my eye. Great flow as well in this.
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you ish amazing
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wow! this is beautifully amazing! loved the imagery, I could imagine the sight of hundreds of meteors from the sky while reading. Beautiful! Great work!
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Every day and every minute meteors are hitting the earth, but they are so small and insignificant to most. Great job!
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Beautiful imagery. Reminds me of the Cake song 'Frank Sinatra'..."We know of an ancient radiation that haunts dismembered constellations. A faintly glimmering radio station.."
Interesting tidbit of info, as well.
Perhaps you could split the first stanza into two? It seems a bit long in comparison to the rest of the piece. -
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ahh I considered it; right before the word "Meanwhile". thanks for your thoughts
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I think this is wonderful as is. The imagery is very striking and I like that. It's interesting how radio stations come in. Wonderful piece.
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I liked this poem. Very nice take on the prompt. I'm generally not a prose person, but this was very well done. Great job on this and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
-Steve-
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wow
did not know that..is the interference so intense and mpactful.....has it been well documented..a good poem prose that informs of a fact little known..thanks for sharing -
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thanks for reading
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beautiful take on the prompt.
I love the imagery, excellent:]
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another lovely write as always. wonderfully penned and best of luck in the contest
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This is a good write. I personally love the theme of space and anything that relates. The only things about this piece that bother me are the words "Meanwhile" and "simply" being used. "Meanwhile" storybooks the poem and makes the sentence read completely differently from the rest of the piece, making it feel out of place. "Simply" is fine to use in poetry but not in the particular fashion that you used it; no offense of course. Commas are unnecessary in the last stanza as well. In my opinion, it should read as so: "And half the world stood by watching fluorescent fireworks while shadows of radio interference remained ignored." The rest is very well-penned. I love the title especially. Best of luck in the contest you've entered. Pen on.xx
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BEAUTIFUL!!!
It has been many years since I have seen a good meteor shower! The last one I saw I was just a little boy, I do remember though I was mesmerized by their streaking across the sky to fall I could not see where. 's
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Wow this is awesome!
a murderous meteor
that was like, "dude, this is brilliant"
Your amazing, your writing amazes me! I'm jealous
Keep writing, good luck!
x
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hrmmm... background radiation...
I like this very much.
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are the colors too much?
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ha.. when I said background radiation I was referring to something cosmic. heh
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No. I like them.
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keep it as prose. it flows heaps better!
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