The faces of my Ghost

1,2,3,4...i count
The faces...i Count them
NO I'm not crazy...i just count
My ghost...i count my ghost
There are EVERYWHERE
There is no running away...no hiding
I see, like a shadow, every ghost taunting me
They are all laughing at me
Cursing me
I can't take it
I want out of this misery
I can't escape my past
It's like I am forced to live in yesterday forever
It's like my past has become me
I fell abandoned, betrayed, hopeless, undone
I feel dirty, used, confused, mistreated
I see my fathers face...
I see his belt...i see the red in his face
I see the steam and the look in his eye
I run...fast...no escape
It's over...i lose again
whelps...cries
The tears stream down my face
"Don't cry..shut up," he screams
I'm weak
But he doesn't care...
the memory fades
I see...I see HIS face
Oh God, why HIS face
He lures me in
I know what will happen
He sweet talks me
Tells me he will protect me
But then...he becomes...
He strips me of everything I am
Piece by Piece tearing me apart
He breaks me of everything I am
He takes away my security, dignity...he took ME
Each touch, each word, each breath
His words all lies leading to...
He got what he wanted
I tried to fight
But i was weak
It's all my fault
Why does every guy hurt me?
His memory fades...yet bold in my mind
I see a bright face
A happy face
A dead face
The one boy who brought me hope
SMILE he said...every day
He knew me
He was real
his words true
his touch soft
he kisses...perfect
I miss them
I see him in a casket
I hear crying...painful crying
It never ends
One gun One shot...One LIFE
GONE, DEAD
the Smiles just faded away after that
Darkness crept in
All those faces surrounding me
Blood!
Bright Red Crimson Blood
Dripping down my soft skin
I feel the the water running all over me
My skin is icy
My breath dying out
the pill bottle is empty
it rolls across the floor
I hear the ambulance
I see their faces
all hurting
because of me
As if i need another thing to feel guilty about
Another reason to wish i were dead
to wish they weren't pumping my stomach
To wish...they would have let me be...let me die
GO AWAY
Just Go!
There faces live on
BOLD...rarely fading
Only fading to reveal the other face even bolder than before
i will live with the faces every day
Until the end
Or until i learn to smile again